Where The Heart Is
by Miuda22
Summary: The brothers are separated after the phone call where Dean told Sam that they are better off apart. Sam moved to one side of the country and let Dean have the other. Eleven months later Dean is still hunting and Sam is permanently out of the business changed by broken bones and guilt.
1. Under a Rock

Here is my new story idea, and yes this is another hurt Sam story because well, to be honest I love a little injured Sam, big brother Dean story. This story line has been something that I have had in mind for a while because season 5 was just SO SAD, I hated the brothers not talking and not getting on so this is my take on how they would get back together.

All mistakes are mine. I have no medical training so if there are any inaccuracies just go with it!.

Where the Heart is.

Chapter one – Under a Rock

Sam's POV

Sam had always wanted to have a normal life, away from hunting, away from grungy motel rooms, greasy diner food and having to patch his family up with dental floss and gaffer tape. The safe, normal life he was living now, however was not quite what he had envisioned, or anywhere near the life he had, lived once upon a time in Stanford.

Each day of the last eleven months for Sam had consisted of pain, pain and more pain, from all along his left side, his leg, or his shoulder and his heart and soul. A dull ache all day long, that not even medication, alcohol or sleeping pills could dissipate, but he had learnt to live with it, the fact that he could feel at all, was a miracle, so if he could feel pain, then he would keep going, he would get up each morning and do exactly what he did the day before.

The difference was that Sam was a lone Winchester in this small town, on the other side of the country, away from his brother, away from his family. In his head, he knew that it was what his brother wanted, he had practically disowned him, in order to clean up the mess he had made. So he stopped fighting and gave him exactly what he had asked for, he became an orphan. His heart however yearned for the big brother from his childhood. The big brother who had cared for him, loved him, trusted him and protected him from the world.

He knew after everything he had done to his brother, to Bobby and to the world, that he deserved to be alone, that he deserved what had happened to him, he deserved these aches and pains. Actually in his heart he believed he deserved to be taken out like the monster, he had turned himself into all those months ago, trusting a demon and drinking her blood. His brother had been merciful allowing him to live and to disappear like he had. So he was going to stay hidden, stay in darkness of the little rock he had crawled under and kept out of trouble.

That was what he had promised himself and everyone he had ever hurt with his bad choices.

Sam pushed himself out of the recliner that he had fallen asleep in the night before, because he couldn't get comfortable in his own bed for the third night in a row.

Grabbing his cane, he hobbled over to the coffee maker to start the brewing process.

Sam thought about his day, which consisted of his physical therapy, followed by a meeting with his psychologist, then to the library to pick up his latest pay check, he had also planned on doing some repairs around the main house for his benefactor and landlady Anna, who had kindly taken him in, paid for all his medical expenses before and after he had been released from the hospital. When no one else would, when he thought no one would care about the man who had started the apocalypse and had condemned them all.

When she had first taken him in, she had allowed the salt that he had laid along all the windows and the funky symbols that he had painted under all the door mats around the property.

At first she had thought of them as quirky but one day after finding one carved into the hard wood floor of the guest house, she had to ask why and he had told her the whole story, including all the nasty, gory details, and she had believed him. She had trusted that what he told her was the truth. Anna would not however, let him dwell in self pity or guilt, even if he thought the world would be better off without him, she wouldn't take no for an answer.

Anna had sympathized with the injured young man who obviously carried a lot of self-hatred and had wondered why he was going through his recovery alone. Where was his family, why weren't they here to help him, why didn't he talk about them? All questions she had asked herself but each time she was about to ask him, he would get this look on his face, sadness so deep that it broke her heart. She thought of him as a lost soul, someone who desired redemption but thought the mountain of his sins was too high to climb. She made it her mission to show him that even if he had committed the most heinous of crimes, that he still deserved forgiveness and if, like he said, he had condemned the world to the apocalypse, then she, as part of the human race had forgiven him.

His answer to her was "One down, seven billion to go" for which she just smacked him at the back of the head and called him a "smart ass".

They joked together a lot and even though there was a good fifteen years between them, they had a lot in common. They both enjoyed doing the Sunday crossword, reading crime novels, watching the Discovery channel and they both had things from their past that had changed them. Things that had irrevocably made them into the guilt ridden, damaged survivors they were today.

Anna treated Sam like the mother he never had, or at least that he could remember. His father and brother never really talked about their mother. It hurt them too much, it brought up so many memories, all they would say was that she loved him and that she had died trying to save him. Sam also in turn helped heal Anna's heart, after the tragic circumstances of her son's death, Sam had helped fill a void in her life. She knew he could not replace her son but it helped to have someone to take care of, to redirect her grief and turn it into caring for the young, damaged man who now lived in her guest house.

He poured himself a cup of coffee, put in milk and sugar and stirred it, distracted by his thoughts. Sam's psychiatrist had asked him to think about his family and what his relationship was like with them for his session next today.

His relationship with his father was one of differing opinions, teenage rebellion and strict military rules, where as his relationship with his brother was one of adoration, friendship then guilt and betrayal. He knew that today wasn't going to be easy, there were some parts of his story that he had to keep hidden, he knew he had to talk to someone but if he told the whole truth, he would be locked up for good.

He took a sip of his coffee and walked slowly toward his dining table, putting the cup down, then pulling out a chair and sitting down with a groan. His leg was really aching today, his physical therapist would really have to concentrate on getting those muscles loosened today otherwise he would go another day with no more that 3 hours of solid sleep.

Finishing off his coffee and standing up with yet another groan, he grabbed his keys, wallet and his jacket and his gym bag, he made his way to the door, leaving a quick note for Anna, who would be doing his cleaning today, that he would be home after his therapy sessions.

He walked to his secondhand car, hopping into the drivers seat and stowed his cane on the passenger seat and drove slowly toward the clinic.

Twenty five minutes later saw a flushed Sam in the gym of his physical therapist, covered in a light layer of sweat, doing stretches, bends and light weights, working through the excruciating pain and finally swimming in the heated pool, which was by far his favourite form of exercise, even back in high school he had loved swimming and all the thinking you could do while doing laps. His shoulder and leg would move more freely through the water, so every chance he got, he would jump into the pool and the results, when he exercised his aching muscles in the heated water were amazing but once they cooled down again they would return and he would count down the days, hours, minutes until his next aqua therapy session.

His doctor had told him that he would never regain full use of his leg. He had more metal in it than bone as his injuries had been so severe when he was first rushed to the hospital and his shoulder had been pulled out of its socket and when it was put back into place it had pinched a nerve that could never be repaired.

Despite all the bad news, his doctor told him that with repeated therapy he could get 60 to 70% of normal movement back in both appendages, he had accepted the doctors challenge and vowed to do better. So far, it was slow going but as his father and brother had always told him, he was stubborn to a fault, so he wasn't going to give up.

An hour and forty five minutes later and he was dressed in clean clothes, freshly showered and sitting in his rather expensive therapists office waiting his turn to see her.

"Mr Campbell, the doctor will see you know" Sam stood up and grabbed his cane, then walked through the door, closing it behind him. He shook Dr Greeling's hand and took a seat on the patient's sofa facing her.

Once Sam was comfortable and had put his cane beside the couch the doctor smiled at him and said "How are you feeling today Sam?, you just had your physical therapy didn't you?"

"Yeah, that's right, Doctor, I just came from the gym, so unfortunately I may smell like menthol rub sorry." Sam says a little nervous as he usually was for the first 10 minutes of each session, even after attending therapy for nine of the last eleven months he still got nervous, like he was waiting for them to lock him up and throw away the key.

"It's fine Sam, I'm used to the smell, its not unpleasant... Know, did you do your homework as I asked you at our last session" She asked with a smile.

"I did, I've been doing a lot of thinking about my family lately" Sam says going over what his story was in his head quickly.

"Ok great so, what do you have to stay about them? Start with your Mother..."

Sam went on to tell the doctor about how he never knew his mother except from one old photograph and a few stories that he had heard his father and brother tell over the years, mostly when they were drunk and on the anniversary of his mothers death, so his mother was a vague mythical creature to him, someone he knew existed but had no evidence of in his heart.

His father however had been in one word ...strict, about everything and for most of his childhood he hadn't quite measure up. The fight about Stanford had been the turning point for both of them, and even though he was the one who had walked away, he had been the one who felt betrayed and abandoned, by his family.

To Sam his big brother was the pinnacle of all that was smart, strong, brave and the perfect soldier in not just their fathers war, but in practically everything he tried his hand at. Sam had looked up to him all his life, even now. But he could never match his skill or cunning. At every turn he had been a failure. But he didn't hold it against Dean, no, he loved him more and more, for his patience, his guidance and his love. But the shame of letting him down ate at him, had made him sick, so he did what he had too, leave.

The doctor listened to Sam tell his stories about his family, one by one, putting the pieces of the puzzle that is Sam Campbell together, to see the picture that was, this kind, smart, gentle, brave young man in front of her. She didn't quite understand why he had so much guilt on his shoulders but he did and she wanted to lighten his burden and today was going to be another step in that direction.

When Sam had finished talking the doctor spoke "Sam, I want to ask you something and I want you to answer with the first word that comes into your head. What would you say, if your brother walked through that door right now?"

She watched all the emotions cross Sam's handsome face, he glanced at the door, almost waiting for him to walk through the door, before he answered. "I would say I was sorry"

The doctor was not surprised by his answer but she was hoping for something more. "What would you do, would you sit down and talk to him or would you want to escape?"

Sam looked at his hands, blinking his eyes, finally he looked her in the eye and said "I would probably want to run away as fast as I could, but I think what I would actually do is talk to him, I would want to know how he was doing, and what his life has been like. But I know that afterwards when we were done talking, we would go back to our corners and stay there. We can't be happy together Doctor, all I seem to do is let him down, make the wrong choices. ...No, he doesn't need me to mess anything else up." Sam says eyes welling up but no tears fell, he had vowed not to cry about it anymore. His brother had chosen not to have him in his life and he would respect that.

"Would you also tell him about your injuries, how you came to be in that hospital?" The Doctor asked, watching his face.

"No, Dean doesn't need to know about that, it was because of me anyway, my bad choices, that those men came after me. He does not need to deal with me and my problems" Sam answered, his emotions rearing up unexpectedly.

"We are better off apart." Finally a single tear ran down his cheek, he wiped if away quickly, cleared his throat and looked out the window.

_TBC_


	2. In Plain Sight

I everyone, you are all FABULOUS! 22 follows! 5 favs! 6 reviews! You're wonderful, amazing people! I'm so glad you're enjoying this one. Here is the next chapter, this is the first time that I'm attempting to include an actual hunt in this story, I seriously don't know how do it so seamlessly but I'm giving it a go. Enjoy!

All mistakes are mine. I have no medical training so if there are any inaccuracies just go with it!.

Chapter 2 – In Plain Sight

Deans POV

Dean had been driving his beloved impala for hours now, the landscape didn't seem to change, the dry heat was making the road look like a mirage and even his music was getting monotonous. So he pulled off at the next exit and looked for a diner for some much needed sustenance.

Bobby had given him a easy job, to keep him busy, a ghost had been haunting a small town hospital, first harmlessly flicking lights on and off, then moving things around the rooms, then pushing people down stairs, progressively becoming more violent as the months went by so, he had to stop it before anyone was killed. The hunt was a four day drive from where he had been recuperating from a Wendigo hunt but driving for him was therapeutic, he was able to think things through, strategize, plan out his attack and now that his brother was out of the picture he was able to concentrate on the job, instead of worrying about what he might do next or so he fooled himself into believing.

Of course he couldn't stop worrying, not after more than twenty-seven years of worry and protection for his little brother, it was a very hard habit to break, even through the anger and betrayal. His brother had started the apocalypse and that wasn't something you forgave easily, so he was determined to try and give them time to get past it all, even though his heart was screaming at him otherwise. _'You miss him, you want to talk to him, you want to see him again'_ he wished his heart would just shut the hell up, but he was starting to think maybe eleven months was long enough. He had never wanted this separation to be permanent and he never wanted his brother to believe that it was.

Any hurt and need for deprecation he had first felt, had subsided into yearning and a feeling like one of his limbs was missing. Maybe he should call Bobby and get Sam's location and just go get him back, where-ever he was. He hadn't heard a peep out of him this whole time, not through Bobby or the hunter radar, he had simply disappeared after their last conversation, even the angels couldn't find him or so Castiel had said, it was like he had fallen off the face of the earth, or moved to a different hemisphere.

Dean drove the impala up to the first diner he came across and parked out front. He got out of the car, smiling at the familiar creak the door made as he closed it, at least something's didn't change. He walked up to the door and entered the half full diner and sat in one of the booths in the back. Grabbing a menu and looking to see if they had the type of burger he preferred. Looking up when a waitress came to him and asked for his usual hamburger with extra onions, fries and a coke. He smiled at her, laying on the charm, making her flush with embarrassment and lust. "I'll bring that to you right away, sir, ...and I'll throw in a free slice of pie, how does that sound?" She says in a flirty, breathy voice.

"That sounds lovely, honey, thanks" Dean smiles again, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. Just another moment where he wished his brother was there to b#%ch and moan about his flirting and his dietary habits. He allowed her to walk away to get his meal and he looked at his shaking hands, making a vow to search for his brother once he had finished this hunt and to bring him home.

Finishing his meal, getting the waitresses phone number for another time and getting back into his car and driving towards the ghost, the faster he finished this hunt, the faster he could find his brother.

With renewed determination, he put his foot down, knowing he could cut the day and half drive down to a day.

After half a dozen coffees, one nap on the side of the road and a record twenty-hour drive, he made it to the small, blink and you'll miss it town. He found a motel and checked in; he drove around to the room at the far end of the lot and went inside.

Completing the usual protections of the motel room, he showered, ordered a pizza then Dean took out his laptop, he started researching the hospital and the unusual instances that had happened there for he last twelve months.

Mt Gomery Hospital was big for a town this size but when you included the three other towns surrounding it, you could call it the epicentre of healing and employment for all those people. Each month for the last twelve, something weird had happened to two maybe three people, from harmless to violent in a few short months.

Dean made a list of all the names of the victims and their families who he will be investigating over the next few days. Wishing yet again that he had a partner to help him with all the legwork. Dean contemplated praying for Castiel, but he had holed himself up in Bobby's panic room reading through old tomes and religious texts trying to find a way out of all this mess.

Research had always been his brothers forte and now that Sam wasn't there to do it, either Bobby or himself had to do the deed, he realized just how boring and tedious it was, and even though he got to sit in a semi comfortable chair for hours on end, not really exhorting himself all that much, this was hard work, and work that he took for granted when his brother would do it.

Adding to his list of vows, he promised to let his little brother know that he appreciated all the time he took researching, all the extra hours he had spent making sure they where well prepared for each hunt they went on.

Realization finally hitting him, that even with all his faults and mistakes, his brother always worked hard to make sure that although their jobs were dangerous, he would try to eliminate some of that danger by being prepared, making sure that all possible outcomes and strategies had been considered.

Sam would go that extra mile just to keep Dean safe to save more people, families and children. To maybe even save Sam. Shaking his head at his own sentimentality and his own stupidity for not realizing it sooner.

Dean looked into the hospital patient lists on the dates that each of the victims had been attacked, so he could find the connection, the link to each victim, when suddenly a name stood out from eleven months ago. Sam Campbell. That could only be his brother but what the hell could have happened to him to land him in the hospital. He tried to find the medical records to find out but they had been mysteriously sealed.

He shook his head, not wanting to dwell, maybe it wasn't his Sam, maybe he was still safely ensconced in a safe place somewhere getting better.

Dean would look into this whole situation once he had finished this hunt. He couldn't let anything get in the way. So he moved on to the following years patient list and kept looking for that connection.

After checking all the patient lists, he now had a list of over twenty five people to check out but so far no connection other than a string of slip ups and medical diagnosis errors, not a large enough amount to make the bigwigs take notice. He decided to go to the police station to ask them about all the victims. He drove towards the station, parked the car in the visitors parking lot and got out and walked inside, with his fake FBI badge and his charm, to get as much information out of them as possible.

When Dean had come out of the local Police station, fresh information in hand, he noticed someone coming out of the library across the street. Someone with amazingly familiar floppy hair and was a tall 6' 4' in height, bag over his right shoulder filled with books. Someone he didn't think he would see again, at least not in this little know-where town.

Dean contemplated calling out to him and talking to him, he was surprised how happy he was to see his brother and how much he had missed him. So many times over the last eleven months, he had picked up his phone and almost called his brother or thought to himself 'I should call Sam' or 'Sammy would get a kick out of this' and then reality would come crashing down, and he would realize that they where apart for a reason. But lately he had been thinking that maybe it was time to get back together. Seeing his brother now, made him want to speak to him, hug him, tell him what a fool he had been.

As he got back into the impala he continued watching his brother walk toward a battered blue Oldsmobile, he did a double take when he noticed that his brother was walking with a cane. "What the hell, it's ...true?" He whispered. Bobby hadn't told him anything about Sam getting hurt. He took out his phone and dialed Bobby's number.

"Yeah?" Bobby said when he answered the phone. Straight to the point.

"Hey Bobby, how are ya doin?" Dean asked, knowing that even though he wanted to get straight to the point, he should take a step back and talk to the man. He was like a father to him and after being forced into that wheel chair he couldn't be as involved in day to day hunting as he would have liked. Bobby had supported him through all this crap with his brother and the apocalypse and had rightfully kicked his butt when he let his brother walk away.

"Well, I'm not going to be doing a jig anytime soon but I'm fine" Bobby said with sarcasm. "How are you doin?"

"Umm, I'm ah... Yeah I'm not doing that well actually... I just saw Sammy, and I think he's been hurt but I gotta finish this hunt first, I need some help" Hearing the quick intake if breath on the other end of the line, told Dean that Bobby didn't know about Sam getting hurt.

"What?, what do you mean Sam's been hurt?" Bobby sounded shocked and worried. "Tell me exactly what you saw and I'll try and help you figure it out"

"I just came out of the police station a...and I saw him come out of the library, of all places... He was walking with a cane Bobby... and yesterday I was looking through the lists of patients from the hospital and I found a Sam Campbell from eleven months ago..." Dean sighed a little shocked and sad at the whole situation. "He's supposed to be safe"

"Alright, Dean, you keep your head in the game, focus on the hunt and I'll try and find out what happened to Sam" Bobby said, trying to be the voice of reason for Dean, the voice that was usually Sam's. "I mean, I know he had a little trouble with those hunters back in Garber but he left town right after that shit went down, he called you and ...well you know the rest"

"Yeah, thanks Bobby, let me know what you find" Dean says distractedly, hanging up, already coming up with scenarios, each worse than the last about what had happened to his little brother. Then he started panicking thinking that Sam was all the way out here in _Quietville_, where your neighbours knew everything about you, how did he get so injured all the way out here and no one was there to help him?

Nodding his head and getting back into the Impala to drive back to his motel, he looked in the direction that Sam had driven, wishing for a second he was still there so he could follow him. He turned into the front of the motel and parked the car, walked into his hotel room and dropping all his stuff onto the second bed, stripping off as he walks to the bathroom for a shower, switching on the TV as he passed, for background noise, the quiet room only allowed for his mind to wonder to his brother and the sooner he figured this hunt out the quicker his brother could be back in that passenger seat and the second bed furthest from the door, where he belonged.

The next morning, Dean was awake by 7am and dressed in his FBI suit, eating his breakfast bagel and drinking a black coffee in the impala, looking at the hospital main entrance, reading his notes on the three suspects that he had narrowed the list down too.

Suspect number one, a 32 year old woman who had been brought into the ER with multiple bruises and internal bleeding and evidence of past abuse and broken bones, her husband was accused of marital abuse and in a fit of rage he shot her and himself in her hospital room.

Suspect number two was a twenty-one year old male victim of a hit and run who had been robbed as he lay bleeding on the road, the thieves were two cleaners within the hospital.

Suspect number three was a 29 year old male who have some in for a ruptured appendix and had died twenty four hours later when it was found that the surgical team had failed to repair a tear to his kidney and he bled to death internally, the surgeon tried to blame the patients family for not disclosing a previous drug problem that had possibly made him more susceptible to bleeders.

He grabbed all his paperwork, his fake ID and his pistol, which he stowed at the small of his back and he walked inside, asked for the doctor in charge.

Sitting in the head doctors office he looked around at all the awards and photos of patients on the wall, he couldn't help but think that the woman in front of him must wish that she had never been touched by the supernatural world. Bobby had told him a little of her back story. He had saved her when she was attacked by a poltergeist in the new home that she and her husband had just bought. Her husband had unfortunately been killed when he tried to protect her, but Bobby was able to save her and her unborn child and she vowed to let him know if there were any other ghostly happenings in her town.

These instances had begun innocently enough, as soon as one of her med students had been pushed down the stairs, she knew it was time to call in an expert. She had been shocked to hear about Bobby's injury but would take Bobby's advice and recommendation about Deans skills as a hunter.

"So, you have questions for me Dean? I hope we can get to the bottom of this sooner rather than later, I'm not sure how long my superiors will continue believing my story she accidentally tripped down the stairs" Dr Lucy Vanguard was a general surgeon who tried to assist patients from all walks of life.

"Well Ma'am, I have three suspects but I need to investigate further so I can decide which one is your ghost. Can you tell me about these three patients?" Dean handed the Doctor three folders with information he had compiled on each of the suspects.

"Ok, let's have a look... " Lucy read through each of the folders and gave Dean a short summary for each of the unfortunate patients who had died within the hospital walls. The first suspect was an unfortunate victim of domestic abuse and right after the shooting their families had them both cremated. The second victim died on the way to the hospital and the family had the body cremated two days later, two towns over. And finally the third victim was an unfortunate case as the lead surgeon on the case had been so saddened by the death that he had gone on stress leave for two months but had not yet returned.

Dean wrote down all the doctors conclusions on each of the suspects and however the prime suspect was now glaringly obvious. Dean thanked Lucy for her time and told her that he would keep her up to date on the case and when it had been taken care of.

Dean got up and shook Lucy's hand, and walked tote he door. "Excuse me Dean, one more thing before you leave"

Dean turned to face the tall, blonde doctor who was in her mid forties and to Deans mind, as still very attractive, "Yeah Lucy, is something wrong?"

Lucy shook her head, "No there's nothing wrong, but I really want to stop who or whatever is doing this but ...can we try and keep this between us, lets not get any police or my staff involved or asking too many questions. We can sort out any issues internally OK"

"That's fine, Ma'am, I kind of want to stay off the police radar myself so, discretion is my middle name" Dean says giving Lucy his A grade flirtatious face, full watt smile that could charm the pants of most twenty something girls but a woman of Lucy's sophistication, was able to see right through it, flattered none the less she threw him a bone.

"Thanks Dean, your sweet, I'm sure you're not just known for your discretion" She smiled back at him, enjoying the banter and the small boost to her ego.

"Oh don't you know it" Dean said, wiggling his eyebrows. Get a hold of yourself man! Dean, chuckled softly then turned away, making it obvious that he was all talk.

Dean walked back towards the Impala and grabbed the third suspect's address and after looking it up on his phone, drove toward their house. Twenty-five minutes later he was parked outside a rather large, three story, pre war mansion. This victim had been living the good life, he got out of the car with his ID in tow and walked to the door, he looked to the right of the door and there was a guest house and pool and too the left was a tennis court and garage. The rich really knew how to live.

Knocking on the heavy looking door, he took a step back and tried to peer through the led light windows to see if any one was home. He suddenly heard footsteps coming closer to the door and a brunette, forty something woman opened the door.

Showing his fake ID he said "Good morning Ma'am, my name is Dean Young, with the FBI, I'm investigating the string of unfortunate deaths at Mt Gomery Hospital. I wanted to talk to you about your son, if that's alright?" Trying to emulate some of his brother's easy sympathy and compassion onto his face and posture. His younger brother was more of a people person, he was always able to make the victims and their families feel at ease and comfortable, yet another reason to be grateful for his brother and his kind heart, something that he had forgotten.

Clearing her throat, Anna nodded her head and took a step back opening the door further. "Ah yes, come in please, I'll need to sit down for this" she said, already feeling the emotions that have been bubbling under the surface since it happened. "And a stiff drink, I think, would you like one agent?" Anna asks Dean who is following her into the main room, looking around the huge foyer, with a grand staircase and sky light, allowing bright white light to make the whole room to almost glow. "Please, maybe just the one, I'm on duty" Dean can't say no to a drink of any kind, and if this woman is so rich the quality of that drink would be better than the swill he usually drinks.

Anna leads him into the lounge room and gestures him to sit on a expensive looking gold edged sofa. Dean takes a seat and is pleasantly surprised it is as comfortable as it is. Anna pours out amber liquid into two crystal glasses to the half way mark and walks over to the other couch facing Dean, handing him one of the glasses and passes him one of the silver coasters for him to place on the mahogany coffee table.

Taking a sip and smiling at the wonderfully smooth liquid, lightly smacking his lips together, then. Remembering that he wasn't alone, he looks up to see Anna also savoring the sip she just took of the well-aged alcohol. She looks to Dean and smiles, a twinkle in her eye, knowing that the man in front of her was not of the same social level as her and was enjoying the most expensive the alcoholic drink that he had ever had. Anna was not a snob by any means as she had come from humble beginnings.

"What do you need to know agent?" Anna asks leaning forward placing her now empty glass on the coffee table.

"Well, ma'am, your son died after going into the hospital with a ruptured appendix, is that right?" Dean asks, with his note pad and pen, waiting for any useful information.

"My son, was rushed to hospital with, as you said, a ruptured appendix, however within forty eight hours, he was bleeding internally. No one could tell me why, or how. He passed away the following morning" Anna shaking her head, swallowing down the lump in her throat, it had been almost twelve months since he had been taken from her but in her heart it was just yesterday.

"Do you know the circumstances in which he had started to bleed internally?" Dean asked, watching the woman in front of him show her strength by not allowing her emotions to over take her while assisting him in his investigation.

"I know that after his operation, his doctor had told me that everything had gone well and that he should make a full recovery, he was meant to come home the following day, but by that night he was complaining of abdominal pain. The doctor was saying he may have to go back it, he looked nervous, he was sweating. I'm pretty sure that I heard his mumbling and swearing as if maybe he had made mistakes of some kind but I trusted his judgment. Perhaps that was foolish." Anna stated, aware now that the doctor had been hiding something.

"Did you ever find out what his malfunction was?" Dean in his usual style did not always speak appropriately; Anna didn't seem to mind though. He liked her more and more.

"The doctor did not disclose to me what had happened, just that my son had a tear in his kidney and he had been bleeding internally. He had developed sepsis and was unable to be revived... My... my son died, and no one would tell me who was responsible..." Anna had tears streaming down her face by the end.

"Uuumm, can you tell me, what happened afterwards, in my file, it says the doctor tried to blame you and your son for not disclosing a previous drug problem which exacerbated the tear which made him bleed faster" Dean asked, putting together the pieces to this puzzle in his head.

"He changed from the doctor I had met and trusted before Nathan's operation, to a nervous, suspicious and defensive man, who didn't appear to be upset or guilty about my sons death. If he had, I would have easily forgiven him, he had made a mistake, and unfortunately my son paid the price. He was never on drugs, I don't know if they even did a drug test" Anna was looking Dean right in the eyes and he could see her sadness but also her anger at the doctor who had stolen her son from him.

"Ok, I think I have everything I need for my investigation, thank you, ma'am, I'm sorry for your loss" Dean said sympathetically, standing up and stretching out his arm to shake her hand.

Suddenly, a yell from the kitchen made them both turn their heads as a male voice came again from the direction of the kitchen but moving closer. "Anna!?"

"I'm here Sam!" Anna said loudly, so he would stop his frantic search for her. He was always worried if he could not find her, panic taking over quickly as fear of abandonment and that she was injured somehow, making him hyperventilate, his lungs now permanently weakened from his injuries.

Dean could hear someone walking quickly towards them, a clincky noise echoing with each second step he took.

Anna moved away from him and walked towards where Sam would come into the room, wanting to slow him down so she could explain who this stranger was.

Sam came into view, hobbling towards them, Anna put out her arms as if requesting his hands to be put in hers, which he did when he was standing in front if her, his eyes however on the man standing in her lounge room.

"Dean? what?, Anna, what is he doing here?" Sam asks pulling his eyes away from a Dean's, looking down at Anna's questioning gaze.

"Sam? what the hell happened to you and what are you doing shacked up with her?" Dean asked with anger and mistrust in his voice.

"Sam, do you know Agent Young?" Anna looked from Sam to Dean.

"He's my brother" Sam stared at Dean, nodding, trying to squash the defensiveness and hurt from Dean's accusation.


	3. Hurt that Runs Deep

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or any of the wonderful characters that I am taking on this journey.

Again I want to thank all my follows, favs and reviews, you inspire me to do better and to give you the best story I can. Enjoy!

All mistakes are mine. I have no medical training so if there are any inaccuracies just go with it!.

Chapter 3 – Hurt that Runs Deep

Sam's POV

Seeing Dean, in this place, in Anna's home, brought a whole mixed bag of feelings in Sam. He could not recall how many times he had thought about calling his brother over the last eleven months, the thought of seeing him, speaking to him again, made his heart beat faster and his breath quicken.

Looking at him now after all this time, after everything he had gone through. Sam was speechless.

"Sam, honey, take a seat, I'll get you your meds, alright?" Anna looked into Sam's eyes, she could see the pain he was in, the fear of what might happen next and the little brother, crying out for his big brother. She helped Sam sit down and layed a hand on his cheek in a motherly manner.

"Oh, ah thanks Anna, appreciate it" Sam said to Anna when she walked away, avoiding looking at Dean, he made himself comfortable then looked down at his shaking hands.

"Sam, what the hell is going on here?" Dean asks gently, with no anger in his words, truly shocked that Sam was anywhere near this town, this hunt.

Sam clears his throat and finally looks at Dean. He can see the last eleven months on his face, hunting, sleepless nights, driving for hours and the worry. "Dean, you told me not to come back, I found somewhere as far away from you as I could and somehow you still found me"

"I know I did, I know, but man, of all the places" Dean try's to get a good look at Sam, taking notice of the cane and the way he held himself, he had been injured and was still in pain. He would find out the how and why and end whoever had done this too him.

"I live out in the guest house, Anna took me in when no one else would. I have been trying, so hard to keep out of trouble, I haven't touched the blood in eleven months and I have paid my debt in my hide and then some, so if your looking for something else, I don't know if I can give you anymore.

Anna stood just outside the room listening to Sam and Dean. Sam sounded bitter and upset. Not that she could blame him but she thought that Sam wanted to see his brother, he had told her how much he missed him, how much he wanted to see him. Maybe the hurt was too deep.

"Wait, what do you mean you paid your debt in your hide, what happened to you little brother?" Dean was getting more and more nervous, seeing Sam with a cane was the first thing, then when Anna went to give him his meds. Something serious had happened to Sam.

"I don't think that's any of your business, you didn't seem to care when I called you all those months ago, why would I believe you care now." Sam didn't quite understand the surge of anger and bitterness that came over him, he thought he had gotten past it, that he was at peace with it.

"Sam, I didn't come here for you, I'm ah... I'm on a hunt and you just happened to be here, don't get all high and mighty with me... you left, it was your decision to go, I didn't force you" Dean was standing up before he knew it, defensive and peeved that Sam was acting this way.

"No, you just disowned me, just like Dad did, do you have any idea..." Sam started.

"Sam, here are your meds, how about you go on back to your place and I'll finish off this interview with your brother" Anna walked quickly into the room, talking at the same time, practically picking Sam up, passing him his cane and almost pushing him out of the room, interrupting the tirade of angry words.

Sam tore his eyes away from Dean, and stormed off as best he could with his cane.

Dean moved his eyes to Anna who was now sitting where Sam had been. She leaned forward with a serious look on her face. "Listen here Dean, I don't really know what that was all about, I mean, as far as I was aware, he had been missing you like a missing limb and considering what happened to him that's saying something but that young man, does not need you on his back, what he needs is his brother, to give a damn" her voice rising at the end.

Dean blinked at her, taken aback by her anger. "Look, I'm trying to investigate what happened to your son, what just happened is none of your business"

"Excuse me, but I have been here for him for eleven months, through the hospital, through therapy, through everything, Where, The, Hell, Were, You?" Pointing to Dean with each word, Anna took a deep breath, she was getting flustered and she wasn't sure why.

"Ok, ma'am, look I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, obviously something is going on here that I know nothing about, but if I can get this case sorted out, ...then I can fix things with my brother... I've missed him too, a lot, you have know idea how much. I want to know what happened to him, I do... But I don't want him to slam the door in my face when I come back"

Anna looked at the sincerity in Deans eyes and nodded. "Ok son, you come back when you've finished this hunt and I'll let you back in here."

"What? Ma'am, I didn't say I was on a hunt?" Dean raises an eyebrow at here.

"No, you didn't have to, your brother told me all about you." Anna gave him a knowing look "It's my son isn't it? This ghost? I thought the doctor was a bit hinky... Please lay my son to rest, he was a good boy. Like your brother."

Dean sighed, Sam had really let this woman into his life, if he had told her everything about his family. He had to trust that she was one of the good guys. Either that or he would have to

"I'll show myself out, please go and make sure he's alright for me, he looked like he was getting one of his headaches"

Dean turned and walked out the door. Anna watched him go, with a smile on her face. Once a big brother, always a big brother.

Anna stood and walked through the house towards the guest house where Sam was probably pouting and stretching on his couch after his therapy sessions today.

Using her spare key, she walked inside, closing the door behind her and walked into the main room. The lights had been switched off and the tv hasn't been turned on. Sam was sprawled on the extra long couch that fit his long legs. She walked up to him, he had his arm over his face to cover his eyes, blocking out the small amount of light coming from the alarm clock on the bookcase.

"Sam, sweetie, are you alright?" She cards her hands through his hair making him groan and it helped to ease the headache that had taken hold.

Sam clears his throat and squints at Anna and whispers to her "Anna, ah, my head, I haven't had one this bad in months" he rolls his head on the cushion to help block out the light. "My brother showing up just made it worse"

"I know sweetie, you were a bit hard on him though. He was investigating Nathan's death, at the hospital" Anna says gently, still running her fingers through his hair. "I think he was just shocked to see you, I'm sure you don't look the same"

Sam sighed and hummed in agreement. "I know. I'm sure he was shocked to see me with the cane. Just another thing for him to hold against me, I'm no use to him now" Sam said, resigned to the fact that his family found him to be a bigger burden now, even without the demon blood.

Anna shook her head in disagreement. "Don't jump to conclusions, OK. Just talk to him, tell him what happened, let him decide. No matter what happens, you know you'll always have me"

Sam sighed again, knowing that Anna was right. "Why are you so OK with him coming here and being like that?"

Anna looked at the pain filled eyes of the young man laying in front of her and signed again. "Sam honey, your brother hasn't seen you in a long time, he misses you but he doesn't know what happened to you. I'm just returning the favor, what you did for me and my Nathan... Family is everything." Anna wiped her face quickly.

Sam grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "I know Anna, I'll try OK?"

Anna smiled at him "I'll kick his butt though if he gets all high and mighty, don't worry" She smirked at his chuckle. "Yours too if you get out of line"

Anna patted his arm and turned to leave. " I'll check on you in half an hour" she walked out the door she came in and walked back to the main house.

Sam tossed and turned in his bed, sweaty and hot, tears on his face mumbling in the throws of a nightmare.

_Sam was in a world of hurt. He had a blind fold over his eyes but he knew exactly who had him, he remembered the baseball bat and the sound it would make when it hit his ribs, and the whoosh and crack sound it would make when it snapped across his body, his legs, arms and head. This was not a place that he had ever wanted to be again, but his mind was cruel and brought him to this place of pain, blood and broken bones. The next minute a steal pipe was smashed into his legs and when he opened his eyes, the man above him wasn't who it had been before, it was his brother._

Sam's eyes shot open and he sat straight up, breaths coming quickly like he had been under water, face covered in sweat, heart beating almost through his chest, hands shaking from the intensity of the nightmare. He blinks a few times trying to make the room come into focus. He gulps down some water from he bottle beside his bed suddenly dehydrated.

Sam pushes back the blanket that Anna must have laid over him and moves to get up, grabs his cane and walks to the bathroom to slash water on his face. His nightmares had never been that vivid or that disturbing. Obviously his brother turning up out of the blue had stirred up emotions and bitterness he hadn't dealt with and all his fears had merged into this nightmare that he could not even think about trying to talk about let alone trying to get back to sleep from incase he was transported back there.

He walked to his small kitchen and brewed the coffee, his hands still shaking. His phone suddenly pinged across the room and he walked to it and noticed it was a message from Bobby. "Sam, Dean may be on your tail. Watch your back, he knows something is up"

Sam typed a reply to Bobby, he was unusually too late at stoping a chance meeting. "Thanks Bobby, but he already found me. He's asking questions I can't answer...Yet. Speak soon" Bobby still keeping him a secret from Dean after all this time was a surprise, it had been an uneasy peace, Bobby still not forgiving him for his part in starting the apocalypse and knocking him out. Any contact with the man was uncomfortable and strained, but he still checked up on him. There was a small speck of hope left.

He put the phone down and walked back to make his coffee. voice he had make it the way he liked he walked to the main house to talk to Anna.

"Anna, are you here?" Sam announced himself, for two reasons, so she didn't get scared when he walked in as he always did, silently and stealthily, years of practice never leaving him, and so he didn't walk in on a private meeting that he didn't want to intrude on. He was always mindful that she was doing him a favour, letting him live in her guest house, it was rude and ungrateful for him to walk around like he owned the place, even though she had told him to use this place as his home, he was welcome everywhere. Her home, her life, her heart. He felt privileged and unworthy.

Anna walked to him from her kitchen with a tray of cookies, chocolate chip, Sam's favourite. "Hi Sam, are you feeling any better?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, oohh, are they chocolate chip?" Sam went to take one from the tray and Anna slapped it away.

"Hey, don't touch, they're too hot" Anna said chuckling to Sam, who was shaking his hand after she had slapped it.

Still chuckling Sam looked at Anna, "Can I ask you something, about what you spoke to Dean about?"

Anna nodded her head, "About Nathan you mean?" Sam nodded his head sadly. "You know what happened to him, Dean said that a ghost was haunting the hospital, I know it has to be Nathan, he was so mad when he found out his doctors mistake, and then when he tried to blame us, well he was beyond mad. It has to be him. I asked your brother to put him to rest."

Sam contemplated what she had said for a moment. "Anna, you know what that means don't you? What Dean will have to do?"

Anna, looked away, eyes wet and lip trembling. "As long as he doesn't hurt anyone else. He didn't mean too, I know it. He wouldn't hurt anyone on purpose." Anna said pleading for Sam to believe her.

"Of course Anna, you don't have to convince me. Ghosts like Nathan, just want justice, they want the responsible person to be held accountable for what they did. His doctor has gotten away with it for too long." Sam's brain was working over time, thinking of ways he could help his brother with this hunt. He hesitated, his brother might not want the help, especially from him. So he I'd what he had been doing for eleven months.

Sitting at his laptop thirty five minutes later, on the phone, tapping on the keys at the same time. "Ok Bobby, just don't mention where you got the info from OK, he doesn't need to know yet." Sam clanked on the keys and clicked on the mouse then closed the laptop. "I just emailed it to you, Yeah, I know. You too. Thanks. Bye" Sam hung up and sighed in relief.

Bobby had been a little shocked when he called him, usually they would email back and forth intell on any job Bobby needed help with. Dean never knew that most of the info that he got for his hunts had come from Sam. While he was in the hospital, doing his therapy, resting at home, he would drop everything to help Dean survive.

Sam put the phone back on the dock and turned on the TV. Sam didn't think they would ever be the brothers they used to be, not after everything he had done to destroy the one good thing in his life. He would work at making amends for all the wrongs he had done for the rest of his life. How ever long that may be.


	4. Making Amends

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or any of the wonderful characters that I am taking on this journey.

I love all of you generous people, lots and lots of lovely favs, follows and reviews for this story. I hope you enjoy the next installment!

All mistakes are mine. I have no medical training so if there are any inaccuracies just go with it!.

Chapter 4 – Making Amends

Deans POV

Dean drove away from Anna's house with one thing on his mind, Sam... What had happened to him, why was he with Anna and why the hell hadn't he known his brother had been injured, these were questions running through his mind, including the million odd answers and scenarios running along side the questions where making his head a storm of emotions... and ultimately making Sam the distraction he didn't need during this hunt. He needed total focus. Trying to push all the feelings bubbling in his heart since the minute he saw his brother, down into the depths of his soul as his father had taught him, he realised it wasn't working this time. What he needed was a night at a bar to get his mind off his wayward brother.

Driving back to his motel, with a name and direction as to what to do next to finish this hunt he showered and dressed in his semi best pants and shirt and drove to the local bar for some down time and to maybe pick up a blond bimbo who wouldn't remember his name in the morning. Bar dating as he used to call it, was a past time he had perfected and tried to teach his brother once, back when their lives where less complicated and there wasn't such a wide gulf between them. He also tried to teach a clueless angel how to do it but he was just too... angelic to get the job done.

He has missed his brother like crazy after that night. Dreamt about him, thought about how he was, if he was safe, keeping off the juice and just getting back to being the brother he knew and loved. Only he forgot along the way that if you miss something, you go find it, end the suffering. He just didn't realise that Sam had been suffering for so much since their separation and he had no clue.

Walking through the doors and up to the bar, doing a quick once over of the whole place during the half a dozen or so steps it took him, he had the place scoped out for his marks and his possible dates for the night. Ordering a beer he leant up against the bar and turning around, trying to get a better look at the patrons, three girls over in the booth, two losers over playing pool, a couple of guys at the bar crying onto their whiskeys and a sports nut watching the game on the worlds smallest and oldest tv on the planet in the back.

He walked towards the booth next to the girls and watched them out the corner of his eyes watch him walking over there. Whispering as he walked, it was going to be an easy sell, he could tell, then when he sat down wig his back to them he listened to their conversation. "Oh my god, did you see how cute he is?" "Yeah, super hot, but nowhere near as hot as that guy who works at the library, Sam something or other... Hotter than the sun, even with the cane.. Makes me want to mother him..." "Yeah I saw him too, you know his story right, ...he was beat half to death, was found by some local guy, was in the hospital for nine months then he had to learn to walk again... So brave." The girls cooed and awed over his brother for a bit then he was able to get a conversation going with the hottest girl there, what happened after they left together was a bit of a blur but he had fun and forgot all about that Sam guy.

Waking up with a hang over and next to a strange girl and not know what brought him there, made Dean have a moment of panic, racking his brain for the last thing he remembered, breathing heavy, blinking his eyes, Dean vaguely remembers being ushered into a taxi, instead of his beloved Impala, with this girl beside him, and being driven home. Trying to picture the face of the person who had put him in the cab, just gives him a headache. Sitting up on the side of the bed and putting his head in his hands he realises that he will have to get his car back which he had left at the bar.

Standing up, putting his pants on and a T-shirt, he walks to the kitchen and makes coffee for himself and the girl. He walks back to the bed, wakes her up gently, tells her some story about needing to get to work and she gets up, dresses and leaves, lingering at the door with promises of getting together again.

When he closes the door behind him, he notices the impala is parked out front and an envelope under the wiper blade. He quickly walks to the impala and grabs the envelope and goes back inside before opening it.

The keys and a small note are inside. 'Dean, you were too drunk to drive so I put you in a cab. There isn't a scratch on her, I promise. Be safe. Sam'.

He wasn't sure how to feel about that. His brother had been there last night and he couldn't remember, let alone that he was the one to put him and his date in a cab, then drive the impala to his motel room. He would have to thank him when he had out this hunt to bed.

Dean showered, dressed and sat in front of his laptop, looking at the records for the doctor who had performed surgery on Anna's son, there was a shockingly large number who had died after surgery for a simple ailment or procedure and it had been swept under the rug. Bobby had called with a tip about this charlatan doctor who had a long list of investigations conducted on his cases but they had all been closed.

He then searched for the cemetery grave list and map, so he could find the location of Nathan Hart's grave and finally stop these attacks. But first, he had a doctor to visit.

Walking into the hospital and finding the location of Dr Carl Mathers, he walked quickly, wanting to make sure this doctors rein of incompetence and threats end. Dean found the office door and without hesitation, walked right in, not caring if he was in the middle of a meeting. He stopped short as he found the good doctor, crying and finishing off his bottle of Jack. He was drunk and was startled when Dean had barged in. "What the h'll are you doin?" He slurred out.

Dean walked over to him and dragged him up by his white coat, shoved him against the bookcase displaying his many awards and certificates of medical achievements. "What I'm doing you douche is stopping you from hurting anyone else. Your drunk in the middle of the day, I hope to god your not about to operate on anyone?"

"Hey, do you know who yur ta'kin to?" The doctor tried to push Dean off him but in his drunken state he was unable to muster up more than a light push.

The door opened quickly, a grey haired man in a suit and several security men, walked in. "Put him down right now" the man in the suit said to Dean forcefully.

"I don't think so, this man has killed people, he drunk, I sure wouldn't want him operating on me today, or any day" Dean shoved him into the bookcase, making him shout in pain and several photo frames to fall. "This "doctor" has been operating on people, while he was drunk and no one in this hospital has said anything because he's your son!" The man looked shocked and angry. "Your son, is a fraud and you let him get away with it"

The man, looked away, then looked back at his son, who was laying slumped against the bookcase, he shook his head in disgust. "You're right, he's a disgrace, but he's family, and sometimes you look past their mistakes and hope they realise the mistakes they've made and try to rectify them... Sometimes, you need to push them and I haven't been pushing him, look where it's gotten me?" The father looked at his son, who had finally looked up at him, looking into each others eyes the older man said "He's going to rehab, getting sober and he is going to prove that he is a good doctor in his own right and not just because of who his father is" it was obviously not a request but a statement of fact.

Dean watched and from the corner of his eye, he saw a figure flicker out and he smiled knowing it was Nathan.

"Look, I'm sorry for the mess but, I gotta go. I just wanted to make sure he was found accountable and that he didn't hurt anyone else". Dean made his way to the door when he felt a hand on his arm.

"Thank you, for making me see that letting my son off the hook was not helping him. I hope we can make amends" the older man smiled a little at Dean. "It's not going to be easy but we can get past this together"

Dean nodded, then walked out, knowing that at least Nathan would now have the justice for what had happened to him and would hopefully stay away while he disposed of his bones as a precaution.

He made his way toward the impala to drive towards the cemetery. Wanting to almost call Sam and let him know what had happened, like the good old days. The smile that was on his face from thinking about Sam laughing at the doctors sons reaction, slipped off when he realised that, their relationship wasn't what it used to be so Sam may not be as interested or care as much as he used to. His heart ached at the loss.

He drove the short distance. To the cemetery and got out and walked to the back of the car and took out a shovel and the weapons bag. Then walked towards the rows of grave stones and started looking for Nathan's name. He found the marble stone, engraved with Nathan's name. "Time to put you to rest" Dean said to the grave stone, hoping that Nathan's spirit would hear him. Dean put the weapons duffel bag down beside him and got to work on the digging the grave not hearing his phone vibrating in his pocket.

Sam cursed as his brothers phone went to voice mail yet again. He needed to let him know that Nathan's spirit had visited Anna and made his misdirected anger known. Anna was just now nursing a bad headache and a cut above her eyebrow after being flung into the cabinet. Sam himself had been pushed down the last few stairs of the grand staircase, landing on his still healing shoulder. He was now of the opinion that Nathan had been angry for so long, he had turned himself into a vengeful spirit and Dean wasn't answering his phone.

Dean was about half way into digging the grave when he feels the temperature drop, his breath coming out in chilled puffs. Knowing what that means he tries to pull himself out of the hole and over to the weapons so he can dispel the ghost he thought would be happy he was being put to rest.

"Oh come on, you sonova" Dean says as Nathan appears in front of him and flings him meters away into a rather pointy grave stone, he lands hip first, onto a corner and cry's out in pain.

Nathan reappears right in front of Dean, they are almost nose to nose. "You're trying to hurt me, like he hurt me!" Nathan yelled angrily at him. "I want to stay, protect my mother from you vultures"

Dean groans as he tries to sit himself up, lean against the carved marble behind him, the very same marble he knew that had left an imprint on his hip.

Looking over at the open grave and the weapons bag mere meters away he readied himself to start the slow crawl over to the hole, so he could finish the job. He rolled himself onto his hands and knees, and started moving one hand and knee, then the other, one at a time.

Dean finally got to the grave, grabbed his shot gun, placing it right on the edge and jumped in with a groan, and kept digging, he had to finish this. Nathan hadn't reappeared again, so he dug faster, he could be back any minute, then just as he had relaxed that maybe he could get this done without another ghostly visit, he was pushed into the grave and the dirt he had just dug out, was dumped on top of him, he squeezed his eyes shut as the dirt kept coming.

There was a loud bang, like a shot gun going off and the dirt stopped coming. Dean scrambled up, then grabbed the shovel and kept digging, what ever had stopped the dirt from burying him alive was a god send as far had he was concerned, but he had to get this done. He finally hit the top of the coffin and smashed his way it, there was another loud bang and flash like a shot gun going off. Dean couldn't think about that right then, he was so close to putting Nathan to rest. Dean jumped out of the grave and as he grabbed for the weapons bag, Dean looked around quickly, to see what had helped him but saw nothing, he grabbed the salt and lighter fluid, poured a generous amount on the bones and just as he was about to flick a match to start the flames, he was thrown through the air again.

"I'm gettin sick of this shhh!" He was thrown yet again into his back. There was another loud bang and a bright flash, then heat and the yellow glow of flames alight. Dean sat up just as the ghost of Nathan burnt out with a scream.

Dean sat there breathing heavy as he tried to comprehend what had happened. He would not have been able to get this job done without whoever had been helping him. He sat up straighter when there was a gentle hand on his shoulder, making him yell and scramble away.

"Dean? It's me Sam. Your alright?" Sam was standing right there with his cane, Dean's shotgun in is other hand and and a bleeding cut on his chin, his shirt was all muddy and his hair was stuck to his face, but in that moment he was the best looking thing Dean had ever seen.

"Sam?!, wha? How did? Are you alright?" Dean pushed himself up on shaky legs, using a nearby gravestone as leverage. He took a step forward but his ankle protests and he almost falls into Sam, who struggles to hold him upright.

"I'll... I'll be alright, Dean. Ow! Here hold this and, ...hold on, let me just... Gotta use my other side, dude. I can't really hold you by myself anymore man" Sam tried to hold onto Dean and readjust his brothers weight onto his uninjured side so they could do a sort of three legged race type of hobble back to the car.

"How did you find me anyway, how did you even know where I was?" Dean asked in awe and disbelief that after all this time, his brother knew the when, where and what he was doing so he could save his butt.

"It's a long story but I gotta get you to the hospital..." Sam said looking up and seeing his car a few meters away, he was so intent on watching where he was putting his feet and keeping a hold on his brother, he didn't realise they had made so much progress.

"No... No hospital, I'm fine... It's just a sprain, you can look after it" Dean said straining to stay upright, not even realising what he had said, like the last eleven months hadn't happened and they were just patching each other up after a crappy job.

"Maybe Anna will know what to do, come on, I'll help you in" Sam opened the passenger door and maneuvered his brother into the back seat so he could put his leg out straight.

He hobbled himself around to the drivers seat, just now feeling his aches and pains from being thrown around by Nathan's ghost. Hoping it hadn't made any of his injuries worse.

Dean half laid, half sat with his leg stretched out in front of him, watching his brother drive, not missing the pain that came across his face, when he got in the car or the pinched look he was displaying now as he drove.

Thinking to himself that if this had proved nothing else, his brother was back in or never left the game and it was way past time that Dean let him off the hook.

Twenty five minutes later Sam was coming to a stop in the driveway of Anna's house, Sam got out with a groan, being scrunched in his car with stiff muscles made him feel like an old man, he grabbed his cane so he could move around to the back passenger door facing the front of the house to get Dean out but he had to move quickly, to keep Dean from falling out, he swayed slightly, then Anna's warm hand touched his shoulder and moved down to his forearm. "Sam, honey, let me help you bring him inside. You can hardly stay on your own two feet let alone help him stay upright" she said gently, like a mother would, like his brother used too.

"Thanks Anna, it was all starting to catch up with me" Sam moves to the other side, so he can still use his cane and help Anna drag Dean inside. They both grab an arm, and straitened him up, putting his arms around their necks, they slowly walked to the house. Sam had to bend forward because of his height and because his whole body was throbbing, his shoulder and leg declaring war as they were abused.

They got through the door and to the couch, and did a little dance to get him down on the soft cushions and laying horizontally with his legs resting on the arm rest. Sam walked stiffly back to the car and closed all the doors and brought in all the duffle bags.

He got to the couch and stood there looking at his brother, his shoulders slouched, his hands shacking and he closed his eyes, breathing deeply.

Anna watched him for a moment then moved towards him, again putting her warm hand on his shoulder. "Sam, come on, sit yourself down on the other couch and rest up a bit. I know you must be hurting and you know how much I dislike that" she said kindly, helping him sit down them softly nudged him to lay down on his back, she took his cane from him and touched his forehead, frowning at the slight heat she felt there, hoping it was nothing.

She took a few steps back and looked at him, and noticed he was definitely suffering a fever, but not sure why for the moment. She thought to herself, she would keep an eye on it so it didn't get any worse. It was all he needed at the moment.

"Mm sorry Anna, Nathan didn't want to go quietly... He was so angryyy" Sam said tiredly closing his eyes.

"You can tell me what happened when your well enough sweety" Anna said rubbing his arm in comfort.

She then went to Dean and had a look at him and catalogued his injuries. Taking his boots off, pulling his pants off and unbuttoning his shirt, then covering his modesty with a light blanket, noticing all the bruises and old scars on his body, telling a story of his life of sacrifice, much like his younger brother.

She turned to grab a wash cloth to clean the blood of his leg, when she turned back hazel eyes were watching her. "Dean, are you alright?"

Dean swallowed and cleared his throat. "I.. I'm okay, I guess. How's Sam?" Always the big brother, better late than never.

"Well, he's tired and sore. Sam worried himself sick, thinking about you, about what might be happening. Especially after Nathan payed us a visit, he was irrational and angry. He wasn't my Nathan..." Anna wiped a stray tear from her face.

"Will... Will you tell me about Sam, how he came to have a home with you?" Dean asked drowsily.

"Okay, but you stay where you are, rest and let me fix you up and I'll tell you a little about how Sam came into my life" Anna answered with a small smile on her face.

Dean noticed how affectionately she spoke about Sam, as if he had saved her, not he other way around as he had assumed.

Dean made himself comfortable on the couch and repositioned his leg on the cushions, as Anna placed the ice pack she had brought in onto his swollen ankle.

Looking over at the young man, asleep across from them, Anna straightened up and looked down at Dean. "When Nathan was rushed to hospital for his appendix, Sam was already there, recovering in ICU. I actually first met him, when he was taking a very slow, hobble down the corridor as part of his rehab. He smiled at me, with those dimples and I had to stop to chat with him, and then for the next few days after that, when I finished visiting my son, I would find Sam walking slowing up and down the same corridor and we would talk. He was such a lovely young man, But I felt he needed someone to talk too. So I became that person. He was guarded at first but soon he was telling me all about you and your dad and how much he cared about you... But he also told me about his guilt and how he thought he had let you down, so badly, that he didn't think he was even part of your family anymore" Anna watched as Dean soaked that in.

"One day, I didn't turn up for our usual walk, so he detoured and found me at my sons room. Nathan had taken a turn for the worse, he was bleeding internally and developed Sepsis and no one would tell me how it happened, it was supposed to be a routine operation, but now it was this serious thing where I could loose my son. And obviously... I did... but Sam... before Nathan went in for his second operation, he warned me about our doctor, that he reeked of alcohol. I demanded another doctor perform the surgery but I was only able to have another doctor assist him. I really had the feeling that he could be spiteful about the whole thing and might do something to prevent Nathan from having the best care. Unfortunately, I... I was right. After the surgery Nathan didn't get better, he got worse. He slipped into a coma and died" Anna had tears streaming down her face. She swallows and wipes her face with her hand.

"The doctor and the hospital tried to blame me and my son, they... they said he had a drug habit or some such thing... They tried to sue me... It was a whole legal thing... And through it all, I had Sam. He was a tower of strength... Literally" she chuckled to herself, eyes glassy.

"When he was cleared to be released I offered to take him in. He insisted on paying me, he got a job at the local library, stacking books, it's not a job befitting his intellect but he says he enjoys being around the books. The smell, the feel of the pages, the characters that were like old friends. That's what he says. And whatever he earns, he gives to me as board and I make sure he's fed. He makes me feel safe and he helps out around the house"

Anna looks at Dean while he watches Sam sleep. The look on his face is one of affection and wonder. "Such a geek" Dean whispers. "He always loved books".

"Sam helped me through all that, and when Nathan paid me a ghostly visit, he was jealous of him, accusing him of taking advantage of my generosity, but that's not Sam. He tried to talk him around, he wasn't listening and he was going to hurt him, but I got in the way" Anna touched the plaster that was above her eye.

"Then he realised that you could be in danger and he searched for your gps signal and got in his car and went to save your butt. The whole time he's lived here, he has talked of nothing else but his big brother this, his older brother that... He has missed you so much, but he just couldn't bring himself to call you, he tried SO many times, he even dialled your number a few times. But he couldn't do it... And you know why?"

Anna looked at his expectantly. "He didn't want you to hang up on him, or to reject him again. That poor boy has had the self confidence of a hat"

Dean sighed long and hard. He had let this separation go on too long. He could remember the last time he and Bobby had argued about it, until his ears rang. He couldn't see past his anger and disappointment, then he got used to the feeling of emptiness, then he realised that nothing could replace his brother and by then it was too late.

"What do should I do Anna? What can I possibly do to make this right?" Dean asked with pledging eyes.

"Nothing Dean..." both Dean and Anna turned around at at Sam's soft voice. "Why would you want to? I'm useless to you like this".


	5. Buckling Under the Weight

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or any of the wonderful characters that I am taking on this journey.

I'm glad you are all still loving this story, this one took an unexpected turn but I'm still loving it! I hope you enjoy it!

All mistakes are mine. I have no medical training so if there are any inaccuracies just go with it!.

Chapter 5 - Buckling Under the Weight

Sam's POV

Sam had listened to everything Anna had said about how he had made her guest house his home. He noticed that how he got to the hospital in the first place was completely left out of her story. He appreciated that she understand his need to keep that to himself. He would tell Dean one day, maybe, probably not, if he had a choice.

Dean didn't need to know how he had let his guard down, that those men had only taken their anger out on him because he deserved it. How he was actually surprised that he had survived. Dean didn't need to know how he had begged for death on his worse days and begged for his big brother on his better ones, the ones where he would make a leap forward on his recovery or was able to do three more steps when he was learning to walk again on his injured leg or was able to lift his arm just that little bit more. Those were the accomplishments that he wanted to keep it in his heart for his brother. As time wore on however and his brother didn't call him or turn up unexpectedly, with open arms, Sam had locked that part of his heart and hidden it away along with the little brother who shone in his big brothers praise.

Sam's hope of salvation and forgiveness had been worn down to a nub of resignation and indifference. He knew now with certainty, that his brother didn't want him in his life, in his family or even in his car. It had been nice to see him and to help him with this hunt but things weren't going to magically change overnight, how could they, after everything he had done.

Which is why he was surprised beyond measure when Dean had wanted to make all this crap between them better. Why on earth would he want to do that? It was better this way. Wasn't it? Sam could only agree, not knowing what his brothers intentions where, he had listened cautiously, trying not to get his hopes up.

"What exactly do you want from me, Dean? I'm a crippled, ex demon blood junky, who will never again be the partner you deserve" Sam says to his brother, with wet eyes, knowing what his limitations are now, and what he should be able to do to have his brothers back.

"Sam, all I want is my little brother back in my life and hopefully back with me on the road" Dean says looking Sam in the eyes as they filled with tears, seeing nothing but guilt and resignation.

"I'm... I'm not that little brother anymore. There is too much between us now, too many times that I... that I hurt you, lied to you, betrayed you... Why would you want me back now... I'm more broken now than I was before" by the end Sam was sobbing, the emotions that he had been holding in since he first saw his brother after so many months on his own, coming out in hot, fat tears that rolled down his face. He didn't care that he was sobbing like a girl in front of his brother and Anna who, was the mother and friend he had always dreamed his mother to be.

The next thing he knew he had two arms wrapped around him, warm hands rubbing his back and a soft voice telling him how wrong he was, that his brother wanted him back just the way he was. Shaking his head in denial, his brother spoke again more forcefully "I do Sammy, I do, please believe me, you don't need to be anything but yourself, OK, nothing but my brainiac, kind, funny little brother. I promise Sammy, please don't cry anymore. You're not alone anymore Sammy, I didn't mean to leave you alone, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" Dean kept up the words of comfort until Sam stopped crying, his breathing returning to normal and the sniffles slowed.

Sam lifted his head a little and pushed back slightly until his brothers arms moved away from their position around him, his brothers hands however not leaving his body unit going to his shoulder and arm and rubbing up and down in a slow, calming motion.

Anna had watched the scene between the brothers, knowing that it was long overdue, handed Sam a handkerchief once she saw him move away from his brother slightly. "I'll make you some peppermint tea, might help you relax Sam OK" she waited until she saw Sam move his head slightly in a nod, then she moved away and left them alone, not really intending to come back, but to leave them to healthy rift between them,

Sam wiped his face and blew his nose a few times to clear out the stuffiness. He looked up with puffy red eyes to his brother. "Sorry, I didn't mean to cry all over you. You should get back to the other couch, Anna will be back soon, you need rest." Sam pushed his brother away slight to make him move back to the couch, but Dean held fast not wanting to move away.

"No Sam, I want to stay here until you understand something, then I'll move OK?"

Dean proved his head so he could see his brothers eyes and once he caught his hazel eyes, he smiled at him. "Sam, I missed you, SO much. I'm sorry I didn't find you sooner. I'm sorry I wasn't here to help you through, whatever happened to you. Dean looked at his brother and watched the mixture of emotions that crossed his face at the mention of what he had been through.

"Can you tell me what happened to you Sam?" Dean says gently not wanting to spook his brother into revealing too much so soon.

"I... I don't know if I'm ready for that yet Dean. I don't think I could get the words out" Sam says softly and timidly.

"Hey, Sammy, it's OK, you don't have to tell me yet. But when you're ready, I'll be right here." Dean replies genuinely to his hurt little brother. Dean pushes up and hops over to the other couch and lays down again, but keeps an eye on his brother the whole time.

"Get some rest little brother. I'll be here when you wake up" Dean says softly to Sam, seeing his eyes droop and shoot open only to droop once again.

Sam comes too again feeling warm and safe, then it all comes rushing back to him. The embarrassment of a grown man crying all over his brother was consuming him. He knew his brother wouldn't let him live it down.

He opened his eyes and looked up at the ceiling, wondering if his brother would be close by or had he left while he was asleep. He pushed himself up, groaning as his sore muscles protested the movement. Grabbing his cane he moved to stand up when a gentle hand touched his shoulder stopping him from standing up. "Hey Sammy, stay right where you are and I'll help you stand up, so you don't fall flat on your face"

Sam looked up to see his brother, showered and dressed in clean clothes, smiling at him, a genuine smile that he hadn't seem in years. It made him smile automatically back at his brother. It felt so good to have that smile directed at him, because of him. Compared to the angry, disappointed look he had seen on his brothers face for months and months after the disaster of the apocalypse and his betrayal.

"I... need a shower. Can you... take me back to my place... Please" Sam asked his brother breathlessly. His ribs were aching from flying into a tree while he was helping Dean with the salt n burn.

Dean bent down and pulled his little brother up to a standing position. "Sure Sammy, you direct me and we can go anywhere you want" honestly wanting to help his brother with practically anywhere. His injured brother, had saved his life, he deserved it and more.

They made a slow shuffle through the house and out the side door toward the other side of the yard where the guest house was located. Looking around yard he realised that he was so out of place in this place of wealth but Anna had made him feel welcome and had taken his little brother in and given him a home.

Coming up to a white door on the front of a small cottage type structure which was in a similar style as the main house. They stopped at the door and while Dean held him up, Sam put his hand in his pocket and pulled out his keys, then opened the door with a few turns of the key in two different locks.

Sam suddenly felt shy about his brother seeing his little slice of normal. There wasn't much in there but what was on display were things that Sam held dear and reminded him of a life simpler than the one he was living now. Sam shuffled his way into the space, with his head facing away from his older brother not wanting to watch his face as he noticed things that he would recognise.

Once Sam was in the room, he moved over towards his couch and sat down with a moan. He finally looked up at his brother to see his face scanning the dark wood furniture and bookcases, brown leather couch, with blues and greens on the walls and linens that struck his brother as the perfect space for his younger brother. Sam watched Den, when he noticed one of his little touches of home. A wide collection of paperback novels including some from Sam's childhood, each of then found by his older brother along their criss cross across the country, for birthdays, Christmases or just because. Then sitting in front of those books was a small toy that looked an awful lot like his baby. Sam watched him walk towards the bookcase and pick up the small replica of the impala. He said nothing but Sam could tell it touched him that he had chosen his baby to be displayed in this place that he was calling home now that he was no longer welcome the real impala, the only real home they had ever had.

Sam opened his mouth to say something then watched as Dean plonked the impala down then moved onto the next treasure, a Led Zeppelin t-shirt which was folded neatly and placed on top of other t-shirts in Sam's open plan wardrobe. That t-shirt had been one of Deans favourites until Sam had taken it as a souvenir when Dean had been dragged to hell. He hadn't given it back as their relationship was strained, then continued to get progressively worse until the apocalypse started. Sam kept it as a symbol of his devotion and hero worship of his older brother.

Dean went from trinket to treasure to memorabilia around the small space. Even the kitchen held small mementoes that their brotherhood was far from forgotten but in fact cherished, lucky charms and cans of chilli adorned the shelves. Sam watched as he allowed his brother to glimpse at his life, he felt exposed and a little uncomfortable, like his brother was looking around his mind.

"Dean, what are you still doing here?" Sam asked, when he had woken up and his brother was still there it had surprised the younger man. Sam thought he would have been back on the road at day break.

"What do you mean, of course I'm still here. Where would I go Sam?" Dean asked a little hurt that his brother thought so little of him, or himself.

"The hunt is over, you figured it out, you don't need to be here anymore. I can take it from here" Sam said, his hopes had risen when Dean had walked him to his place. But now after feeling so exposed, his guilt and low self esteem were coming out full force.

"Sammy, come on... I'm here to spend time with you. To help, if I can. Your not alone anymore" Dean said gently as he walked towards his brother and sat down in the edge beside him on the couch. "You've been exiled long enough"

Sam looked away, trying not to believe it, that his brother was really interested in spending time with him, maybe even becoming family again.

"Sammy, I'm... So sorry that, I pushed you away. I thought that, it was what you wanted, I mean it was your idea to split up, but I see now, that, I pushed you out that door... " Dean put his head down, feeling truly guilty at the kind of man, the kind of brother he had been.

"No, Dean, please don't be sorry, no, I deserved it, what I did to you, to the world! I don't deserve forgiveness... You should just..." Sam was breathing heavy, trying not to get too upset.

"What? I should what Sam? Run? Leave you behind? Kill you?" Dean asked, shocked and horrified that his brother would think that he could do such a thing.

"I'm a monster Dean, after what I did! I know you feel the same way! Don't deny it man, I heard you. I'm not an idiot" Sam's eyes where drifting closed, slowly blinking at his brother, who stood slack jawed looking at his brother.

"What are you talking about? I would never, have never called you a monster" Dean was dumbfounded. His brother must be recalling something from his time in the panic room, a memory of something his brain made up to torture himself, to bring him down. It seemed like it had worked, his little brother couldn't tell reality from his withdrawal delusions.

Sam pushed himself up so he was sitting on the edge of the couch so he could stand up easier "it's fine Dean, really, don't worry about it" Sam stood up using his cane and walked slowly towards his bathroom "I'm going to take a shower, um you can, stay if you want"

Dean shook his head as his brother disappeared behind the bathroom door. He needed to find out exactly what his brother was talking about and he would stay right where he was to help his brother dress his new injuries and to talk to him, what ever he had rolling around inside his head, was scrambling his memories.

Dean took out his phone and dialled Bobby's number, after one ring, Bobby answered "Yeah" knowing the only person who would call this number would be Dean or Sam.

"Hey Bobby, it's Dean, I'm with Sam... He's kinda messed up... I'm not sure what to do to fix it..." Dean was unsure of what to say, once Bobby had answered, he had so many questions to ask he didn't know where to start. "He's been holdin onto a lot of stuff, including me saying he was a monster of all things..."

"Oh, yeah, I've heard his say that too... You'll have to ask him though for details but he's had a voice mail message from you on his phone for who knows how long, since all that crap with the apocalypse I think" Bobby was saddened that it come to such a regrettable outcome but now that Dean was there with him, he was hopefull that they might be able to repair all the damage.

"What? When did you speak to Sam... Was I there?" Dean was confused, he searched his memory for a conversation where they spoke about it...

"Oh, well... Ah... Well he didn't want me to tell you but... I've spoken to him a few times since you boys split up... Mainly he was telling me about jobs he'd heard of for you, sometimes I'd call him and ask for help with research. A lot of the info you got from me was from him" Bobby waited for the outburst to come from Dean, he hadn't told him that he had been in contact with Sam, that they mainly spoken about Dean, that he took a long time to forgive the young man for almost killing him but now, holding a grudge like any Winchester would seemed petty, and knowing that something had happened and he had done nothing to help in some way, because of his stubbornness, he would do anything to make it better.

Meanwhile in the shower, Sam was relishing in the warm and relaxing water pressure of his shower, two things which in their travels around America were completely lacking in all the motels they had ever stayed in. He let the water wash away the sweat and tears of the day, he had been on an emotional roller coaster and felt, with his brother just in the other room, that he had more in store for him in the future. He was certain that his brother would leave eventually, once he was aware of the extent of his injuries, the how, why and by who would certainly make for a colourful conversation.

He finished washing his body and his hair and turned the water off, stepped out and towel dried himself with the fluffy towels that Anna would keep stocked in his room. She looked after him better than he thought he deserved, one good deed, did not make up for the atrocities he felt that he had unleashed on the world. Anna however was adamant that after helping her through her sons death, he was more than deserving of some help, friendship and some good old fashioned mothering.

Once he was dry, he dressed himself in sweat pants and a faded T-shirt that was once his brothers but he had inherited and it was now a comforting soft cotton from years of wear. He walked out into the main room, again. Looking around to see if his brother had left when suddenly his brothers face was right in front of him.

"What were you talking about little brother? About me calling you a monster? When did I ever do that?" Dean had been pacing, waiting impatiently for his brother to finish his shower. As soon as he stepped out of that room, he was on him straight away, not wanting him to try and get out of answering his questions.

"Come on man... Can't we do this later, I'm exhausted..." Sam asked exasperated by his brothers insistence in talking, which he knows normally he would love to do but ever since the while apocalypse was started, he had become more and more closed off, not wanting to let anyone inside, Anna the most notable exception.

"Yes, now, I need to know, you can't say that crap and not expect me to ask you for the details" Dean was worried that his brother didn't just have reality and delusion confused but that maybe he actually believed he had said that stuff.

"Fine, you want to know what I'm talking about? Well here you are!" Sam said angrily, pulling out his phone, pressing a few buttons and suddenly Deans voice was heard coming from his phone, Deans angry, cruel and threatening voice came out, loud and clear. "Listen to me, you bloodsucking freak, Dad always said I'd either have to save you or kill you, well I'm giving you fair warning, I'm done trying to save you. You're a monster, Sam, a vampire. You're not you anymore. And there's no going back" Sam's face had crumpled up from pain, sadness and guilt. "As if I haven't listened to it enough"

The look on Deans face went from anger to shock at hearing his voice say words he was pretty sure he had never and would never say to his brother. He had been mad, sure but he would never say these things and now he understood why his brother had been so flinchy and so ready to have Dean leave or to just put him out of his misery. Dean could feel that he had a long, hard road ahead of him, trying to gain Sam's trust and to show him how much he wanted Sam in his life.

Sam was looking down at the phone, once it had finished playing, he had pressed some more buttons, presumably saving the message. He didn't want to look into his brother eyes and see the acknowledgement there, that what he just heard was something he had sent to Sam out of betrayal and disgust. He squeezed his eyes shut when the onslaught of emotions hit him like a freight train, making his eyes sting as they filled and his lips trembled as he tried to hold in the sob that wanted so desperately to escape. He hadn't felt this raw in months. He thought he was slowing moving past it all, letting go of the brother that he would never again hunt, gamble, or even just hang out with.

Sam turned away, stuffing his phone back in his pocket, mumbling incoherently about going to the bathroom or something, but his brother was up as fast as he was, following, grabbing hold of his brother and dragging him to the couch, hugging him to him, saying over and over. "That wasn't me Sammy, I promise you, it's not me, please, believe me, Sammy, please... I promise that wasn't me" Dean felt his heart break, his mind shatter and his soul cry out like a wolf howling into the wind.

Sam tried desperately to get free of his brother grasp, there was no way that voice wasn't his brother. He had believed it in a moment of doubt, when he had needed his big brother to tell him that he was sorry and that he trusted him, to change his mind, instead this was the voice and the message he had heard, crumbling down any possibilities that they could be brothers. As a consequence he had condemned the world to the apocalypse.

"W..who was it, if it wasn't y...you? Sam asked, nervously, the warring emotions of the scared little brother and the man who had lost his brothers trust, making him shake.

"I don't know Sam, angels, demons, garden variety a-holes who wanted to get between us. I wish I knew, I would hunt them down and punch them into oblivion if I could. You honestly believed it was me saying those things, those lies, that I wanted to kill you?" Dean shook his head, sad that his little brother was so emotionally scarred by what had happened that he believe it.

"I... I did... I called you because I wanted some sign that you still cared, that we had made a mistake. I was on the cliff edge, I heard that message and I jumped. I feel SO stupid... I keep screwing up. I'm... I'm..." Sam could find the words to continue.

"What? What are you? If you say, stupid, or an idiot or gullible, I will punch you... You made a mistake, so did I... I really want you to believe me" Dean was practically begging him.

Sam took a deep breath, maybe his brother was telling the truth, he certainly sounded sincere. He took another breath, closed his eyes breathing in the smell of Dean, calming him down. "I, want to believe you, I want to trust you, but I've felt alone and I've blamed myself for everything that has ever gone wrong in our lives, real and imaginary, for so long, that it's a hard habit to break. How do I get past it? How do I stop it?"

"Listen to me Sammy, I want you to listen really hard...Okay?" Dean looked at Sam and waited for him to acknowledge him. "I don't blame you for any of the crap we've been through, I don't think your a monster or a vampire and after everything that has happened I know now that someone, everyone manipulated us, used us as pawns and I blame them! I blame everyone who pulled you one way and pushed me to the other. I want you in my life, I want to help you with your therapy and to work out some way for us to be a family again... Is that something you might like too" Dean was on the edge if panicking, worrying and dare he say it, praying that his brother would choose him, them, not his life of exile and not to keep blaming himself for every little thing.

"I... I'll try to believe you... Okay, that's all I can commit to for now... I just... I've wanted to see you, and speak to you for so long, but all I could hear in my head was what I thought was you in that message, so it's going to take a while to change that..." Sam says while looking at his hands, his nails all chewed off from anxiety and nerves, a habit he will have to break.

Dean looks at his brother, he hasn't seem his this nervous in years, since he was a kid and his dad would ride him about everything he did, in their fathers opinion he couldn't do a thing right. "Okay, Sammy, I can take that, I will just have to prove it to you, show you how much I mean it" Dean watched as his little brothers face brightened slightly when he said that, knowing that it meant he would be sticking around for a while. Dean moved away from his brother so he could move freely around the guest house. "Now, can I ask you something?"

Sam was genuinely surprised that his brother was asking questions and changing the subject so quickly but not willing to look a gift horse in the mouth. "Ah, yeah sure" Sam moved back to the couch, his leg and shoulder now a constant ache.

"Do you really work at the library?" Dean chuckled at his brother, it was the perfect place for him, he had always loved books, reading and the imaginary worlds of his favourite characters and pretending for a short time, that he was those characters, that he could escape is own life into the pages of a book. "And are you aware that you have all the local girls hearts a flutter?"

"What? Yes I work at the library, it's the only job I can do without too much stress on my leg or shoulder... I don't know what you're talking about with the local girls... I'm not doing anything to lead them on" Dean was not surprised that his brother was unaware of female attention. He had always been so focused on books or research that he forgot the world around him. A red flush had spread over Sam's face and neck, he was obviously embarrassed about the female attention and that his brother knew about it. "How do you know I work at the library?"

Dean had relished in the knowledge that no matter how old he got, his brother was still shy and embarrassed when it came to the ladies, he hadn't inherited any of this brothers swerve charms, he did however have an uncanny ability to attract girls because of his shyness, his kindness and his boy next doorness. His wasn't sure where he got that from, but it worked for his brother. "Anna told me about the library and I overheard some girls talking at the diner"

Nodding his head in understanding he felt maybe he could talk to his brother about his life. "I started working at the library after they released me from the hospital. Anna had suggested it, she knew my love of books and that I needed to do something to help pay my way and something that wasn't too hard on my injuries. At the time... I could hardly walk, or lift my arm but... The librarian, she said she just wanted someone tall to put the books back on the shelves, and that she doesn't care how long it takes me. I think Anna had a word in her ear... Otherwise I probably wouldn't have got the job" Sam was grateful for the job, it didn't pay a lot but it was enough to feel useful.

"Sammy, it sounds like you're perfect for the job, I don't think it matters how you got it, just that you can keep your mind occupied. And you certainly have a good collection of books now, I remember you always having your head in a book. You seemed to thrive on all that knowledge" Dean said fondly to his brother.

"Yeah, I've bought some second hand books, to add to the ones you gave me" Sam gave Dean a small smile, lighting up his face but not quite reaching his eyes.

Dean smiled back at him, happy to have his brother thinking about something else for a while. "I actually have something in my duffle for you... I bought it in a little bookstore up north, when I was hunting a ghost. I bought it not even thinking, then when I realised what I had done, I realised that I must have missed you. I've been trying to find you ever since, let me go get it" Dean walked quickly to the door, turning to see his brother watching him. "I'll be right back Sammy, I promise" and with that he was out the door and was running the way they came and out the front door, to the impala and yanking his keys out the the pocket. He retrieved his duffle bag and put it over his shoulder as he walked back to the house and the open door he had come through, as he closed the door, Anna was standing behind him with a worried expression on her face.

"I thought for a moment something had happened and you were leaving" Anna had every right to think that he might bail on his younger brother but it still stung that she thought that he would do it with Sam in his current state.

"I'm not goin anywhere Anna, I was just getting my bag, I have something for Sam, we've been reminiscing and it'd reminded me that even though we were apart, I hadn't completely forgotten about him" Dean was smiling, picturing his reaction when he gave his gift to Sam.

"I'm glad you boys are getting along. Is he doing alright? He has therapy tomorrow and I know with his activities today his muscles must be giving him some trouble" Dean was amazed again at how Sam brought out the mothering instincts in all the women he met.

"He's taken his meds and he's showered and is resting on the couch for now. I don't know if he's eaten or not but..." Dean hadn't even thought about food, but he and his little brother should eat something before Sam's meds kicked in.

"I can have my cook wipe something up, he loves roast beef doesn't he?" Anna was already moving as she was talking, formulating a plan to get both these boys to eat.

"I... I think he does, it's been a while" Dean was aware yet again that the big brother inside him had Ben dormant for so long, he had forgotten a lot of things about Sam that he used to know off the top of his head.

"I'll bring something out for you. Go back out there before he thinks you left as well" Anna was smiling as he kept moving, leaving Dean to turn around and run back out to the guest house.

Dean opened the door to his little brother home and he saw his eyes scrunched up in pain, his hands over his head, fingers through his hair, a short cry from his lips made Dean finally move from his stunned, frozen place at the door, he dropped the bag and ran to his brother. "Sammy what's wrong, what's happening, what can I do?" The questions came out hot and fast, worry turning him into a frenzy of movement, trying to comfort and relieve his pain. Sam is gasping, he could feel the pain radiating out from his head down to his toes, like electric shocks. His vision starts to white out, little dots start appearing around his peripheral, and flashes of images started to appear in his head, his mother, father, Jess and Dean dying, over and over, like its on a loop, a voice whispers to him, "Say yes to me and I can give you everything you have ever wanted, loved and lost, just say yes!" And just as suddenly as it started, it ended with a whimper and a moan. Sam's eyes remain closed but his breathing and his heart rate slowed down. "Oh god..." Sam tried to bury his head into a soft pillow but his brother was there with his hand on his forehead rubbing it with his thumb in a repetitive motion that would work when he was a kid and he would get migraines.

"What the hell just happened little brother?" Dean asked worried as hell by what just happened. A knock on the door takes him away from his brother, Anna is at the door with a tray of food for them, upon seeing Deans worried face she automatically looked at Sam who is pale and covered in a sheen of sweat.

"What's happened?" Anna asked Dean, knowing that it was something that the older brother probably had not witnessed before.

"I came back and he had what appeared to be a bad headache, then he was moaning and mumbling to himself, I thought maybe it was a seizure or something" Dean hadn't moved his gaze of his brother as he spoke, too worried to take his eyes of him.

"No, it wasn't a seizure, it sounds like one of lucifer's psychic visits, Sam has them every week or so, he keeps saying no to him but he doesn't stop coming back, with more pain, more memories he wish he didn't have. Dean, you have to stop lucifer, if he keeps having these episodes, he might die" Anna told Dean, not to scare him but to motivate him.

"What are you talking about? How many has he had, what's happening to him?" Dean realises that he knows absolutely nothing about, his brother, each time he learns one new thing, five more pop up.

"You bother is on a tight rope Dean, he has a small blood clot on his brain, the doctors have put a clamp on it to prevent it from moving but... If he has too many more of these episodes, Sam could die..."


	6. The Truth Can Set You Free

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or any of the wonderful characters that I am taking on this journey.

OK, my passionate readers, here is the long overdue new chapter… I tried to get this out as fast as I could, especially for my reader who told me that she was going to die because I left such a crazy cliffhanger! Sorry, I hope you enjoy this latest installment. Its chocked full of brotherly angst and love and I also included something that happened in season 5 but because of my changed timeline didn't happen the way it did in the show but I love the way it turned out so I hope you like it! I'll try not to make you wait as long for the next one!

All mistakes are mine. I have no medical training so if there are any inaccuracies just go with it!.

Chapter Six - The Truth Can Set You Free

Deans POV

Dean was reeling from what Anna had just told him and couldn't quite believe the news. His brother was worse off than he had originally thought.

"Listen Anna, can you stay with him a little bit while I make a phone call?" Dean was grateful for the woman who had taken his little brother in and had helped him through such a horrible experience.

"Sure honey, I'll stay with him until to come back" Anna said looking back down at the man who she had grown quite fond of and would do anything for.

"Thanks, I'll just be a minute" Dean said walking towards the door to the guest house, walking through it and closing it behind him.

"Hey Bobby, it's Dean, something's happened to Sam, I'm not sure what to do about it" Dean said without any of the pleasantries, he got straight to the point.

"What? What's happened? What's going on with Sam?" Bobby asked already guilt ridden about practically abandoning the young man and taking his ideas and knowledge about hunts for Dean and not giving anything in return including his forgiveness. It was time to change all that. Whatever had happened to him after the brothers had separated, had been punishment enough.

"I just witnessed Sam have some sort of seizure or something, Anna the lady he's been living with, says it isn't the first time and if he has many more, he could die!" Dean was worried about one more thing for Sam to carry on his shoulders. He had been through so much already, he didn't deserve these psychic visits on top of everything else. Dean told Bobby about Lucifer and the blood clot and the fact that even though it had been clamped, the more of these episodes that Sam had, the more pressure was building up in his brain, it could burst and ultimately kill him.

"Oh hell! OK, what do you need me for? Do you want me to wheel myself onto a plane and get over there, help you out with everything?" Bobby was quite willing to get on a plane, even get someone to drive him there if he had too. They had both exiled the youngest Winchester of far too long.

"No Bobby, I think you'll be of the most help, where you are, researching some way of keeping Luci out of Sam's head and maybe even a way of putting him back in the cage.

"Well I'll see what I can find out, in the mean time, you need to find out what happened to Sam, what caused all of his injuries. We need to know, incase it's linked to how lucifer is able to get inside his head" Bobby had been curious about that since he had found out but knew that it wasn't his place as he hadn't really been there for the young man now dealing with seizures.

"Well yeah, ok, I did ask him once, but... he said he wasn't ready and I wasn't going to push it" maybe he could talk to Sam about what he had gone through while they were separated, it might help Sam to open up.

"We'll make sure you do, I know it's hard but... But you have to find out the what, why and how of it. If anything so we can make them pay for what they did to Sam" Bobby was already formulating a plan of what he wanted to do to them, slowly and painfully.

"Yeah... Definitely. They won't know what hit them" Dean liked that plan. "I'll keep you posted. Bye Bobby" Dean wanted to get back to his little brother.

When he walked back into the guest house, Anna was holding a fresh cool towel to Sam's forehead "His fever isn't getting any worse but he's mumbling to himself, I don't really understand what he's saying, something about Reggie... I don't know" Anna was really concerned for the broken young man beside her, he had worked so hard to get to where he was, to stay away from anything stressful, and since his big brother had come back into his life, his stress levels had risen, which wasn't a good thing in her book. "You keep him calm, you hear me... No stress, or at least very little of it..."

"Yes ma'am, I never meant for any of this to happen, I just... He's my brother and I know we didn't talk for a long time, but... I didn't know he had been hurt" Dean was sure that Anna knew all this already, if she and Sam had spoken about his life, she knew their history.

"I know Dean but Sam... he's had a lot of bad stuff to get through and he's still getting through it... He doesn't need people around who just make it worse" Anna didn't mean to be so harsh. As he had protected her and her son against a drunk doctor and the might of a large hospital, she had vowed to protect him against anyone or anything that tried to hurt him, including his brother.

"I know Anna, I'm not trying to make it worse, but I honestly didn't and don't know about any of this, or what happened to him, I want to ask him, maybe when he's better. I will find out how Lucifer is able to get inside his head and stop it somehow" Dean really wanted Anna to trust him, if she trusted him, then Sam would too. "I will also find out who hurt him, and I will make them pay"

"I believe you... But fix this first... I don't want him to get hurt anymore... He is like a son to me and if I have too, I will use any means necessary to make all this go away"

"I will Anna, I will... So... Can you tell me what the doctors said about this blood clot... When did they find out he had it exactly?" Dean didn't like that he had to ask someone other than his little brother but lately it was the best way to find out about his brother... At least until he can fix things with between them, can prove that he can be trusted and that he trusts Sam with more than his life. Just like old times.

"Well, Dean, if I'm not mistaken, I think they found the clot after they... When he was initially brought in... He had various injuries and... One of them was the... Look I don't want to tell you too much about what brought Sam into the hospital., he told me if anyone was going to tell you about that it would be him and I respect his wishes so let's just say one of his injuries caused this blood clot, which they had to operate on and put the clamp on to stop it from bursting. But since then, he has had these episodes at least once a month... I made him tell me what was happening when I witnessed one and he shouted 'no' so, I knew it wasn't a run of the mill seizure" Anna had been watching the big brothers face and she could tell that he really wanted to know what had happened to him, now more than ever, she felt he deserved to know but it was up to Sam. They didn't have the most conventional relationship but she knew that having someone else on his side would be helpful in his recovery.

"Sam has told me everything... And I mean everything about the two of you and why you separated. I just, wanted to tell you that I understand why you thought it was a good idea, but Dean, I think it's been long enough... He has tortured himself long enough. Sometimes I think that he feels like he got off easy, but trust me... He has made himself sick torturing himself about the whole demon blood thing and making the biggest mistake of his life... And I'm not talking about starting the apocalypse necessarily, but for what he did to you... betraying you, letting you down, disappointing you... now that was a real sore point... he beat himself up for that for a long time, still does. I catch him sometimes, with tears in his eyes, and I know exactly what he's thinking about" Anna had a sad look on her face making Dean know that during that time, Sam really made an impact of this woman.

"He also told me that... If he had the chance he would go back in time and erase himself from your family. So he never existed, because in his mind everything bad that has ever happened to your family... has been because of him. I don't believe it mind you but he does, down to his soul. And he knows what you did... with that necklace he gave you... someone named Bobby told him, you threw it out in a fit while you were drunk... am I right?" Anna was on a roll now and she could feel the man in front of her get uncomfortable with the question.

"Yeah, I had been drinking, I got a little angry, upset about Sam and I threw it out. I regretted it when I sobered up... But I couldn't find it. I've looked everywhere, spoke to all the hotels cleaners... Nothing"

"Well, I had to talk him off the proverbial cliff when he found out. I hadn't seen him that distressed and that's saying something. You need to FIX all this! As soon as possible" Anna took a breath and looked at Dean now, seeing he had paled when she had told him the whole story.

"Oh well... Crap!" Dean would he having a word with Bobby once he had the chance, he shouldn't have told him about the amulet, he knew that if Sam found out about it, he would be upset. Now that he knew, he was going to have a harder time of getting his brother to trust him. "Look I regret throwing it out. I'll talk to Sam, try and get him to understand. I'm still looking for it so maybe I can get it back before I have to talk to him"

"Alright, well look I have to go. I have a lunch with the girls from the tennis club, I'll be back as soon as I can, unless you want me to stay?" Anna asked Dean unsure of whether she should leave them alone.

"It's fine Anna, I'm here I'll look after him. Please don't miss your lunch" Dean didn't want Anna to give any of her regular life to look after them and now that he was back in his brothers life she wouldn't have to.

"Okay, if your sure?" Anna wanted to go but didn't want to leave Sam, she was still worried about his well being.

"Yeah, yeah... Sammy and I will just hang out and get to know each other again" Dean kept his eyes on his little brother, hoping that he will wake up soon and they could do just that.

"Ok, I'll come over to see you're fairing once I get back" Anna walked to the door and with a final glance she was out the door.

Once they were alone Dean looked at Sam, watched his chest rise and fall as he breathed, happy in the knowledge that he was still alive and while that was the case, Dean would do anything to keep it that way and to spend as much time with his little brother as he could so he could reacquaint himself with the man that was now his brother.

Dean sat there watching his brother sleep for what felt like hours but was in fact minutes. Then his brother twitched, then moaned, then made the movements and noises of someone who was waking up but was still stuck in the place between dreams and awake. "That's it Sammy, wake up now... It's way to quiet without you talking to me nonstop... Come on Sam, open your eyes" Dean was talking softly to him, trying to guide him gently to alertness.

"Mmmnnnn... Ohhhh, ooowww" Sam moaned while he blinked his eyes, clearing the grit and blurriness from his eyes. "Oh man... Did you get the number of that bus?" Sam whispered and croaked out, his throat not quite awake along with his brain.

"Hey Sammy... How're you feeling" Dean knew it was a silly question but he wanted to know from his brothers mouth how he was feeling.

"Well my head is killing me... Was it a migraine?" Sam truthfully couldn't remember anything that happened after he had finished his shower.

"Well no, Sammy... You had a seizure or something... Anna said it wasn't the first time... Is that right Sammy?" Dean was asking Sam gently, he didn't want to spook his brother but he wanted to know he was genuinely interested.

"Oh... A seizure... I haven't had a seizure before but... That's not what your talking about though is it?" Sam knew better than to try to lie to his brother, considering their past, he had promised himself that he wouldn't do it anymore... Even if it hurt and even if his brother didn't want to hear the truth.

"No... No it's not what I want to hear, but I don't really want to force you to tell me anything you don't want to... but Sammy, I gotta say, seeing you like that, was scary and I'm just concerned about you... I do actually care you know?" Dean looked over at his brother, watched him go pink in the face but not look at him in the eyes which told him something he had been worried about. "You didn't think I cared? Sammy... I... I care very much about what happens to you... I know the way we left things wasn't ideal... But I didn't stop caring... I guess that's another thing I have to prove to you" Dean was so sad that his brother didn't think he cared about him... He shouldn't have been so surprised, what with the way they parted, the voice mail message and the amulet... Old wounds just kept getting reopened and it was time to start healing.

"I... so much has happened and...look you can understand why I feel this way, I'm not blaming you... not by a long shot but I am saying that I don't know what else to do to make up for all this... crap that keeps happening and I know it's my fault ok, I know... but there are only so many hits a guy can take before he cracks" Sam had a few stray tears fall down his face as he spoke, he tried to turn his face away so his brother wouldn't see his weakness.

"Well... Sammy I don't blame you for any of that, OK, none of it! I think you've paid your dues... Sammy, I know how much you want to make the whole apocalypse disaster, just disappear and to have never happened, but you've been beating yourself up about it for too long. I want you to forgive yourself, because... I forgive you Sammy... I do" Dean could feel his emotions come bubbling up to the surface, his eyes filled up and he bit his lip to stop it from quivering.

Sam was quiet as he took all this new information in... his brother forgave him... He couldn't believe it... It's one of the things he had wanted for so long and it was finally happening, but instead of the relief he thought he would feel, he felt hollow. Maybe he had been holding onto it for too long... and it would take a lot more than words to convince him. "I wish I could believe you Dean... how can you forgive me so easily, I tried to kill you... I acted like... the blood and the need for revenge, made me act differently. That's why I believed that voice mail message... It was like the... not... you... was telling me something that I already believed... the truth hurts and all that..." Sam was quite for awhile, waiting for Dean to say something, but he was sitting there looking at him dumb founded.

"Sam... I want to talk to you about something... While we were apart... I may have done something that I'm not proud of... I tried to... I tried to substitute you for Castiel... now I'm not saying that it was my proudest moment but, I kind of felt lonely... And I was still mad at you... so I took Castiel out to a few hunts and let me tell you he was not you... He was incompetent, child like and just not you, ok... I found myself thinking about asking you what you would do... a number of times I almost called you... I even told Cas to do what you would do, while we were on a case... he sucked at it by the way, I mean he held his FBI badge upside down... who does that?" Dean was chuckling by the end but when he looked up at Sam, he noticed that he wasn't laughing, but had a shocked look on his face. "I'm telling you Sammy, nothing he did was good enough. Not in my book. You are the best partner I could ever had have... I mean that"

"I don't know what to say to that" Sam was grateful for what his brother had said. Even though he was shocked at first that his brother had tried to replace him, the fact that he wasn't able to and that he actually missed him and what he contributed to their hunts made him feel a hell of a lot better.

"It's true Sammy... I also tried to take him to a... I tried to get him laid... I thought maybe it would be a short cut to humanity... It didn't work out" Dean was embarrassed that he had even tried that.

"You threatened to do that to me when I was going through puberty. You thought it would make me less crabby... I was so embarrassed... I had to plead with you to not make me do it... I lost my virginity when I was 16... You took me out for drinks to celebrate. It was the most fun we'd had in a long time... the drinks not the sex" Sam was getting progressively pinker the more he talked about this subject matter.

"Are you saying the sex wasn't good?, I thought Margo 'rocked your world' your words" Dean had a smirk on his face seeing Sam go to an even deeper shade of pink.

"Um... Yeah, it was more like we fell off the bed and got carpet burn... not quiet the ideal first time... I was so embarrassed, I couldn't tell you that" Chuckling Sam looked back down at his hands, he could feel his face and neck were as red as a beetroot.

"Oh Sammy... It's OK, my first time wasn't great either... no ones is!" Dean laughed at the look on Sam's face. "Cas tried to save the hooker... we got ran out of there so fast..."

"Oh man... that's hilarious" Sam had a genuine smile on his face, Dean thought it was the next best thing to hearing him laugh, he took it as a win.

"Yeah... But it just highlighted the fact that things just weren't the the same. But everything was so messed up that neither of us were going to make the first move"

The silence between them wasn't uncomfortable but was filled with secrets that were hopefully about to be revealed.

"Dean... I... I do but I don't want to tell you... I mean it might just change everything again... If you knew..." Sam was struggling with where to start, how to tell his older brother what had led him to his injuries that were now permanent and slowly killing him.

"Why don't you just start with a little bit... You don't have to tell me everything... how about the blood clot, can you start with that?" Dean asked, sure that if he pressured his little brother he wouldn't get anything out of him.

"I... My attack... My head took multiple blows with a baseball bat... which caused my brain to swell. While the doctors where working to reduce the swelling, the clot formed in my nose which had been fractured, when my attackers fists pummelled my face, it moved to my brain and they had to put the clamp on it to stop it from rupturing. I'm lucky to be alive... Or so the doctors said" Sam was watching Deans reaction which was a studied calm before the storm. "My seizures are being caused by Lucifer... He keeps trying to get me to say yes... to be his vessel but I can't say yes, I won't... I WILL NOT let you down again" Sam was taking deep breaths that turned to gasps for air, by the end if it, as if his brain was reliving it all.

"It's OK Sammy, just breath, calm down... slow deep breaths, Sammy OK... breath like me, just like when you used to have panic attacks... just breath" Dean was focused solely on his younger brother. Questions swirled around his head, but he would not ask them, until Sam was more comfortable answering them.

"I'm trying..." Sam said in a gaspy voice.

"I know you are Sammy, here, give me your hand" Dean grabbed his hand and put it on his warm tshirt clad chest so he could feel his chest expanding with each breath. "Inhale... Exhale... just like me Sammy, you can do it" Dean knew for a fact that his brother could get his breathing under control.

They sat like that for a while, waiting for Sam to match his breathing to his brothers. Dean held onto his hand against his chest until Sam was breathing normally, then held it a little longer. He looked up into Sam's face, he looked exhausted but relieved. "How are you doin Sammy?" Dean asked still holding onto his hand.

"Yeah, I'm ok... Sorry... I don't know why that just happened" Sam was embarrassed that he'd had a panic attack in front of his brother while he was trying to prove that he wasn't a burden.

"Hey, it's fine Sammy... no problem. I don't mind" Dean was adamant that Sam would know that he wasn't ashamed of him, for showing his vulnerable side... for him he didn't see it as a weakness but as a strength. It was something that he had always admired about his little brother, being so open and willing to show his emotions, being the eldest he was taught to bury it all so no supernatural monster would be able to use it against them. He was also taught to be strong for his little brother, especially when he was still in the dark about what their fathers job was, then once he knew about that part of their lives, he had to stay stoic so Sam could deal with all the scary stuff, he became the strong older brother that he could look up to.

"Thanks Dean... really. I was so scared about telling you all this stuff... I mean, what happened to me while we were separated?... I don't think I could tell you half of it. Maybe one day, but right now... Just know that I'm working as hard as I can to get back as much mobility as I can" Sam stopped himself, Dean didn't need to hear his ramblings.

"Hey, it's fine Sammy, really, you can tell me anything at all, whatever your comfortable with is fine. I'm just glad that your OK" Dean was trying really hard to keep his anger under control, whatever had happened to his little brother, had been traumatic, intense and had left more than the physicals scars that were all over Sam's body.

"I actually have something else that we need to talk about... my amulet... I know, that you know that I threw it away... Sammy? Dean watched as his brother grew pale.

"No... You don't have to explain anything about that, you were mad... and you had every right to be... please, you don't need to explain..." Sam was looked everywhere but at his brother, it was like one step forward, two steps back.

"Yeah, I do little brother... You need to know... Why I did it and that I have regretted it everyday since... I've been looking for it, I called the motel, I spoke to the cleaners, I even checked with the garbage collection company... But no one has seen it... I know it doesn't make up for the fact that it's gone now... But I can promise you little brother... I regret it... I wish I hadn't done it, I miss it like I would miss a limb... If I could take it back, I would in a heart beat. I'm so sorry Sammy" Dean had tears in his eyes at this point, he felt like the relationship was so fragile, after each confession or each ending of past hurts, they had another one to deal with and it was just never ending... maybe they had too much negative stuff between them to see the positive stuff, if all else failed, maybe they needed a mediator.

"I threw it away when I was drunk off my a$$... I was p#$$ed... at myself mostly, for letting you go... I wasn't mad at you, Sammy... just that everything had gone to hell in a hand basket and I had practically pushed you away... I missed you like crazy and I was blaming myself and I just felt like I had nothing left... So I threw it in the trash can in a fit of alcohol induced emotions... I was a mess Sammy, and if I had known what you were going through, I swear I would have stopped everything to get here. I still don't know what happened, but while I was feeling sorry for myself, you were going through something, that I can't even imagine... I mean, I've imagined what it could be but... I'm sure it's not even close... and you don't have to tell me at all if that's the way it has to be... I would like to help you through it though." Dean was a little surprised at himself by everything that had just come out if his mouth and even more surprised by Sam's reaction... He had a small smile on his face and tears in his eyes that the older brother could only interpret as happy tears and he chuckled a little when he noticed that Dean had noticed.

"All this time I thought it was because of what I had done... Well it was but... it wasn't purely because of that... We really messed this whole thing up didn't we?... We both blame ourselves for stuff that the other one doesn't or even for stuff that wasn't our fault... I'm starting to realise that we were played, we were pawns in some a-holes game and we fell for it... It separated us and made us question something that had always been constant and strong" Dean was so happy inside his soul that he was giddy that his brother was finally coming around, but what he portrayed on the outside was of pride and brotherly affection. He wanted his brother to trust him and to believe that they were better together.

"I have something for you... Something that... I don't know if you want it back, or if this is the right time for me to give it to you but... Can you please open that draw for me?" Sam pointed at the draw on the other side of the bed that Sam couldn't reach in his current state. Dean stood up and walked around to the bedside table and opened the top draw. Nestled in a little open black box, on top of some padding was his amulet, polished and clean and displayed as if it were a treasured artefact. His heart skipped a beat and he felt all the air leave his lungs.. his throat dried up and he just froze, looking at it, thrilled to pieces and filled with affection for his little brother that even in the midst of his therapy and depression and feeling unworthy, he had somehow searched for, found and kept their necklace, he had just proved how much he loved his older brother and how much he wanted to be the little brother who looked up to him, that followed him around and wanted to be just like him... but ended up being the hero of the piece... In Deans heart he was a superhero.

Sam was starting to rethink what he had just done... His brother was silent, still and quite frankly, scaring Sam to death. He started thinking up scenarios in his head... Dean didn't like it and was planning a way to throw it out again when Sam wasn't looking or thinking maybe how much he could sell it for... Fear grabbed onto his body and sent cold shivers down all his limbs and he just shook with anticipation.

After a few minutes of silence Dean clear his throat. Noticing as he did so, that Sam flinched as if he was scared at the sudden sound. "Sammy... This is. Thank you so much" Dean whispered in reverence... this amulet had been missing for going on nine months and to know that it had been with his little brother for most of that time was a blessing. The fact that he had it in his hands once again made him want to not forget this moment, so he looked up at Sam shocked and half smiling face, and took the amulet out of the box, then without taking his eyes of his little brother, he put the leather cord around his neck, feeling the long missed weight once again on his chest, he then leapt onto the bed and grabbed his brother into a tight hug. "Thank you little brother... You have no idea how much this means to me... I'm SO sorry I ever took it off" Dean was rubbing Sam's back a comforting way, as once he had pulled him into his arms, Sam had started to tremble as if his emotions were getting the better of him but in fact Dean soon heard the distinctive sound of laughter... His little brother was laughing with the joy of the moment in the air, Dean couldn't help but join in.

They stayed that way for a while, holding onto each other. This is how Anna found them moments later, arms still wrapped around each other, smiles on their faces, taking comfort from each other that was way overdue.


End file.
